Running in the Light

Light is very important to us in so many ways! I love the way light streams in my new studio's windows. Light is what makes stained glass beautiful. We walk in the Light when we walk with Jesus, the Light of the World.

And, on a more practical level, light makes it safer to get around. My husband is a runner, and he is delighting in the fact that he can now run in the light. He used to have to get up before dawn 80% of the year to get his daily run in before work began at 7 am.

Not anymore! Since "retiring" from the Mayo Clinic and beginning his second career as a pastor of the Jicarilla Apache Reformed Church, he has been running in the light. His hours are much more flexible now (read that to mean: People call on him for assistance at all hours of the day and night), and he has been running in the daylight. It's one of many small joys of our new situation.

Some other joys, large and small:

1) We feel very welcome here. As soon as people realize that we have moved here, that we live here, they are amazingly helpful and kind. For example, our almost-7-yr-old and I were hiking up to Dulce Rock last weekend, and we were having difficulty getting to the base of the hill. We found ourselves twice in someone's yard or driveway, trying to figure out how to get through the fences without trespassing.

The first time, a neighbor challenged us, and upon hearing that we were the "new preacher's family," walked us to a break in the fences, and instructed us on how to avoid a cantankerous dog in the next block. The second time, an older man ignored us entirely until I introduced ourselves, then he pointed us to where we could catch a pathway toward our goal.

2) We have settled into our home, and we love it! All of the boxes are open and emptied (Well, almost all of them!), and I have deep-cleaned most of the house. It was in pretty good shape, actually, but I feel better after I scrub everything personally. Kat has an amazing closet, with enough shelf-space for ALL of her toys, and Brad has a closet in his office that is big enough to be a "man cave," as he puts it. My glass studio is awesome and I am busy working on some new designs for winter. I need to get selling some pieces because that's how I fund our homeschool materials and field trips.

3) I have found a walking route that I love! No more dogs...on this route the dogs are all tied up or fenced in. Well, except one. And I'm trying to make friends with him. He doesn't seem to be a biter,  but I prefer that he doesn't follow me anyway. And I seem to finally be adjusted to the altitude... no more headaches when I walk or bike or climb.

4) Our wee one has found several friends and routines that fill her days. We are still missing our homeschooling best buddy and his family, but we have found a great public library, a wonderful swimming pool, lots of fun places to bike and hike, and other things to do. We've even hooked up with a theater class and a homeschool co-op, both in a nearby town on the same days! We are feeling very blessed as our daughter settles into a positive routine.


And 5) My new-pastor husband seems to be developing successful routines, too. He has visited people from the congregation, created an hour of prayer for all comers, established office hours, and even made a run to the nearest Sam's Club (90 miles away!) to purchase treats for the roller skating on Friday nights. His sermons have been meaningful, and it's good to see him preparing sermons during the day instead of after his "day job."

All in all, our family is running in the light these days. It is good to be blessed in so many ways.

Happiness Is...

There are many definitions of happiness out there. And many sayings about how to "find your happiness." There have been times in my life when a positive thought or saying has been helpful to me, but when a friend posted "What makes you happy?" on Facebook today, I spent some time thinking about it.

I love many parts of my current life: my family, my glass work, living in a small town again, being surrounded by the beauty of the mountains. But that's not really what makes me happy.

I think back to the most traumatic times of my life... I wouldn't describe myself as happy following my then-husband's abuse of our daughter, by any means. But even then, I knew it would eventually be okay... better than okay. Because God promises that this life is not the end. That what happens here is temporary, and He is eternal. I sought God's presence during that dark time, and found Him waiting to welcome me into his loving arms. Even as I made bad decision after bad decision and got married again too soon (and divorced again), I knew the bedrock under my feet: God.

My walk with the Lord has gotten closer and closer since those dark times. I have given up the reins almost entirely (I still fight God's leading at times!), and I have found deep and abiding happiness. Not in the circumstances of my life, but in the sure knowledge of God's love and security, Jesus' sacrifice and grace, and the Holy Spirit's guidance.

I pray that I may never be tested by such an awful situation again, but I know that pain will come in this life. I will lose those I love; relationships will be stretched and sometimes broken; and I will make mistakes that have a high cost... But I will never walk alone, and I will never remain unforgiven. That makes me happy.

Happiness is??

The bedrock of my happiness is my faith in God the Father, Jesus the Son, and the Holy Spirit.

Amen.

Epic Fail!

Ever had an epic fail?

Sure you have! Something really public... something really big... I think all of us have had them. I've certainly had a few in glass work.

For example, this piece will never see the light of day! There are numerous 1-3mm gaps in it. The glass is beautiful, but it just didn't fit together right.

I've had other kinds of failures in glass work, too. Like the day I dropped a piece of glass and tried to catch it in my fingers. Ouch! You'd think I'd know better by now!




Well, today I've had an epic failure. We had so much good help in unloading our moving truck upon our arrival here in New Mexico! I wanted to thank the folks that helped, so I invited one group of them over for lunch today. All these men work together, and one of them is a friend's son, so we sent the invitation through the friend. It was set for lunchtime today.

I prepared pulled pork for sandwiches, coleslaw, green beans, and brownies (baked at high altitude... still working on that!). We bought some lemonade and sweet tea, and we set up an extra table. I had everything ready by noon, when we expected they would have lunch break.

And we waited.

And waited.

And waited.

And

waited.

By 12:30, I was worrying they weren't coming. I fed my daughter and myself, still hopeful that the trucks would pull in any minute.

By 12:45, my husband ate, finally believing they might not come. At 1:15, I released the cats from their basement jail and started cleaning up the food.

Epic Fail.

I don't know exactly what went wrong. There are many possibilities. And a decade ago, I would've been searching through those possibilities, trying to figure it out. Two decades ago, I would've been sure that they didn't come because they didn't like me/us. Three decades ago, I would have been a muddle of tears, blaming myself for the entire fiasco.

Today?

Today I am sure that, no matter what went wrong, I had my heart in the right place. We invited these men, hoping to honor their hard work with a meal. I wanted to be welcoming and thankful.

And I was.

Even without anyone to welcome or thank, my heart was welcoming and thankful. Even though there was  a lot of time and money invested in this lunch, none of it was "wasted." I approached the meal with the right attitude, and I approached the disappointment of no guests with an attitude of gratitude to God that we have enough to share. That if the men walk in the door tomorrow, expecting lunch, I would laugh with them and get out the leftovers from today.

I've had some epic failures that left me feeling worthless and wasted. I'm sure you have, too. I am blessed by now being in a place in my life where my value isn't determined by how successful I am, or by how the plans I make turn out. I pray that you are reaching a point in your life where you can see your value, even when there's an epic failure. Because you are God's precious child; the only you in existence...ever. Trust God, even in your epic fails.

Grace-Full

I have been a musician for far longer than I have been an artist. It took me years to feel like I could claim the word "artist" as referring to me! I have played the flute for almost my whole life, picking it up at the age of eight.

The music teacher let me borrow the school's flute for two semesters, one semester longer than it was technically allowed. She knew my family couldn't afford to buy me a flute at that time. I am grateful for her gift, even still.

When I did have to return the school's flute, I thought my flute-playing days were over...But a dear family friend put a used student model flute in my hands and said, "Play." Even at nine, I knew this was a grace I didn't earn, so I played for him, and for me.

When I was a teenager and had a job (so I could save for college...), I began to tuck away "flute money" so I could buy a better quality flute. I had my eye on a silver-plated, open-holed, DeFord Flute at the local music store. I saved up the amount that had been on the flute when I scoped it out, took my surprised mother to the music store, and found out that the flute had increased in price by $50.00. I wouldn't let my mom pay the extra money, instead working out a deal with the store owner to pay the last bit over two paychecks.

I loved that flute! It made me sound like a real musician. I played all through high school and college; I even played for my brother's wedding!

Then came the notice from the college, two weeks before graduation: "You will not be eligible to graduate because you have a $500 balance on your bill." No one I knew had $500 lying around for me. I had to graduate; I'd already accepted a teaching job! I took stock of my meager possessions and finally decided I had to sell my flute.

So I did. And I regretted it for over 10 years... until my mom hunted down the friend who had purchased it and bought it back from him! It was my Christmas gift more than 20 years ago now. I have never opened a gift that brought more tears; I remember when I realized that it wasn't just a flute, it was MY flute. I am thankful to my mom and to the friend who returned the flute for the same $500, even though it was worth more.

And I played. I played for my first music teacher. For my mom. For the friend who bought my first flute for me. For the band director friend who had to find another flute to play because he sold it back to my mom. And for me.

I haven't played much in public. I guess I always worried that I wasn't a good enough player. In fact, when my husband and I first married, I wouldn't even practice when he was in the house! But slowly, I've gotten more willing to play around him and my daughter.

And then we moved to New Mexico. To a church that has no musicians. No piano player. No lead singers. And they asked me, with hope, if I played the piano. I can play some simple things with lots of practice, I said. And I learned the Doxology. I figured it was a good place to start since we sang it every week.

And I messed it up. Repeatedly. The congregation was very gracious, encouraging me. And I will continue to work on my piano skills.

But this morning I took my flute. And it was perfect. Not me. The sound. The music. It was God's. I wasn't shy or afraid. I did make a couple of mistakes, even. But it was just right.

What Grace. I am forever thankful to all those who helped me walk this world with a flute. And I am even more thankful to God for this grace. From the congregation and through my music.

What Grace.

Settling In

We've been in the Dulce parsonage for a week and a half now, and most of the boxes have been opened, emptied, and put away. We started in our daughter's bedroom, then the kitchen and bathrooms, then our bedroom, then the living and dining rooms.

A couple of days ago I finally started working on my glass studio. Even the basement was organized before I began to unpack glass and glass tools. This picture (left) shows the entrance to my new studio. It's on the main floor, just off of the living room. I love the location!

If you go in past the bookshelf on the right side of the picture above, you reach the actual glass work area. You can see by the picture on the right that I have a lot more work to do! I am making progress, though. You can also see from this photo that I have a window!!! I'm excited to have quite a bit of natural light in my glass studio now.

There are even built-in shelves on one wall of the studio. I think this space is going to work well! I can't wait to get started creating glass art again. I have missed it for quite a while, going back to my broken elbow and my too-cold space at our temporary home. I will begin posting designs available soon; I'm working on a new Thanksgiving design!

Thank you to each of you who has prayed for our move and our new ministry. I am looking forward to connecting with the community here in Dulce as we get settled, too.

Back to work! God bless each one of you.

Trust in Me

My husband, daughter, and I are at the beginning of a calling. My husband preached at his new church for the first time this morning. The Jicarilla Apache Reformed Church is a mission posting, serving the Jicarilla Apache people of Dulce, New Mexico.

Our family is new at everything here! We are new to the community, so we don't even know what day(s) the garbage gets picked up. We are new to the church, so we don't know how to find the coffee. We are new to the people, so we don't know their names. I guess we'll figure it out in time, but right now it seems somewhat overwhelming!

 A former student of mine, whom I am delighted to call my friend in her adulthood, posted this yesterday on her Facebook page: "The Bible never once says "Figure it out"...But time and time again 'Trust in me'." It really struck me when I read it, given the "figure it out" stage we're in in New Mexico.

God truly doesn't say, "Figure it out!" He always says, "Trust in me." Always. In all things. Proverbs 3:5 says, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding." And in Psalm 37:5 tells us to "Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him, and he will act."

I've always been a "figure it out" kind of gal... I'm learning to let go and trust in Him. With much prayer, I have able to let go and let God work in this move. I am grateful to my former student to have the reminder to also let go and let God work in the learning of our new place... We will "figure it out," but we don't have to lean on our own insufficient understanding; we have the Lord God, our rock and our salvation!

Stretched

I forgot my lead vise in Minnesota! I use it to stretch lead before I use it in making stained glass panels. Without it, I can't stretch lead, at least not alone. You see, it holds one end of a length of lead while I pull on the other end with a pliers. Lead stretches a good inch or more on a six-foot length.

I've been thinking about my lead vise a bit on the long drive here to the Jicarilla Apache Nation in New Mexico. And as the days dragged on, driving between 200 and 350 miles per day with a very heavy Penske Truck, I realized that I was being stretched, too.

Really, it was a relatively easy trip in many ways. We had no accidents, no close calls, even. No one got sick or hurt, not even the two cats that were with us. The older cat, Serena, couldn't make it all day in her kennel without creating stinky laundry for me, but that wasn't so bad. Each hotel we stayed at had a laundry room, and I don't mind doing laundry.

But driving that truck, even on the easy stretches of highway, was a challenge! Going 60-65 mph in a 75 mph zone was annoying, but that was all the truck could handle most of the time. And going up hills? Yikes! Don't even think about the mountain passes we climbed at 10-20 mph, followed by irritated locals. Not to mention that the truck was built for big people, and I had trouble reaching the pedals comfortably. Thankfully, my husband drove the majority of the time!

When I wasn't driving the truck, I was, of course, driving the Subaru. It was pulling a trailer with two of my kayaks lashed tightly onto it. It also had two cats and our daughter in it (after the novelty of riding in the noisy truck wore off!). Our wee one did a fabulous job of entertaining herself, with a little help from the silly "surprises" I had purchased and wrapped in newsprint before we left. She even had a few left for the trip to Sante Fe yesterday to return the truck.

But driving the Subaru also meant leading the way... finding the restaurant that had pull-through parking for the trailer and the truck... figuring out which of the roads had the fewest hills... deciding which hotel would allow us to bring our cats in with us...

I am thankful for navigation systems and smart phones, but there were times I was ready to strangle that "lady" telling me to turn left in 200 yards! Seriously! And add to that the six-yr-old who was constantly asking if I was following the phone lady's directions correctly! I have to admit, I growled at that six-year-old a few times.

One evening, after the longest driving day (most of Nebraska) was over and we had reached Sterling, Colorado, I was looking for a particular hotel (Rumor was, they allowed cats!). A confusing sign led me to take a left turn too early, which put us back on the interstate... where there wasn't another exit for this town, and where the next town with hotels was almost an hour down the road. Ugh! Poor kitties... poor kiddie... poor Daddy driving the truck...

It took us most of 5 days to make the drive. At the end of each day, as we collapsed into hotel beds, Brad and I thanked the Lord for safe travel and asked for grace for another day. And grace we received each day.

The day we arrived, eight wonderful folks from our new congregation greeted us with lunch and help unloading. Six strong guys came by to help with the biggest pieces. All went very well! Until everyone left and our wee one went to bed and Brad and I realized that Webster, our daughter's kitty, was missing.

We had shut the cats up in the basement for the move, but sometimes the door had to be opened to put things down there. The outside doors were open all afternoon...so Webster had a straight shot outside if he escaped the basement. My husband and I looked for Webster for a loooonnnggg time after our daughter went to bed. We went to sleep knowing that the morning would bring a very sad girl. I awoke before dawn and went outside, calling and calling the cat with no luck.

When she woke up, we asked our daughter to call Webby, saying that we hadn't seen him yet. She went down the steps, calling his name, and he popped right out of his hiding place! My tears of relief brought questions from our wee one, and I told her we had thought he was gone forever... and that I knew how sad she would have been if he were gone. We stopped and thanked God for protecting our baby girl from such heartache.

It was a good stretching. We all need to be stretched sometimes; it makes us lean into the Lord harder and more often. I thank God for the easy times and the challenging ones. I thank Him for putting my heart in the right place every time I sought His help. And I ask His forgiveness for when I forgot to seek Him.