And.

Our society dictates that we are either supporters of the police OR of Black Lives Matter. We are either Christians-who-support-Trump OR not-really-Christians. We either support public education or the willful dismantling of public education. We either wholeheartedly support Critical Race Theory or we think it's the devil's work. We either revere the American flag or despise it.

Ugh. I hate this dichotomy. I'm an "AND" person. 

I mourn deeply with the families and friends of the slain officers in North Carolina. Their deaths, along with other law enforcement personnel. are tragic. They were doing their jobs and sacrificed their lives.

AND

I mourn deeply with the families and friends of Ma'Khia Bryant. Her death was a tragic loss as well. I believe that policing has deep roots in race and class that need to be examined. I don't hate every law enforcement officer who has to use their gun, but I do believe that we should urgently examine the disparities in how race, class, and culture are viewed and treated by law enforcement officers. I believe that we need to hold law enforcement accountable when they behave like Derek Chauvin. 

I am a Christian. I believe that Jesus Christ is my Lord and Savior. 

AND

I believe that Jesus gave us clear "marching orders." We are to love God with all our being. And we are to love others as we love ourselves. I don't believe that we can say we are Christian and discount another's humanity or worth, whether that person agrees with us politically or not. Hate is not God's way. 

I believe that public education is essential to a democracy. I believe that an educated populace is vital to a democracy. If we pull the public money away from public education, we are setting up a tiered system that will not serve our society.

AND 

I believe that private education and home education are vital parts of society. I believe that parents who have the time, ability, and desire to homeschool or private school their children should be allowed to do so. I also believe that the public schools should be held accountable for educating children, not indoctrinating them. Belief systems belong to families; public schools should educate. I believe that local parents and the local public should have some control over what is taught. The federal government should mostly stay out of local education systems.

I think that the American flag is an important symbol of our country, and I love our country. I don't like to see the flag desecrated.

AND

I believe in the rights of every person in this country to express their thoughts and feelings. The Supreme Court upheld the right of people to desecrate the flag as a form of protected speech in 1989. I certainly think that if people are legally allowed to burn the flag, they are also allowed to "take a knee" during the raising of the flag and the singing of the national anthem. Our country is not, and has not been, a place where freedom reigns for all citizens. I cannot speak to Black people's experiences, but I can listen to them speak about their experiences. Through listening, I am convinced that even in 2021 many injustices exist. 

There are many more issues which create a false dichotomy in today's American society. I urge you to avoid the false dichotomy. I urge you to think critically and develop your opinions from information on "both sides." Where your beliefs end up is your business, but the unthinking opinion is not a helpful one. We are Americans, and we value individualism AND our collective society. We look for common ground, compromise, and practicality. We work with each other for the best of our democracy. Think for yourself and develop your own opinions.

Racism is a Lie.

Racism is a lie. It is the lie that Black people (And really, all BIPOC) are inferior. Racism is the lie that Black people are less intelligent, less capable, less committed, less accomplished. Racism is the lie that Black people are more violent, scarier, more angry and more likely to react negatively. 

Racism is the lie that White America is the norm to which all people should be compared. That somehow "tradition" places the prize on the White Americans of the past and the present. That Black people are "making progress" as they become more White-normed. Once Black people are "just like Whites" they will be viewed as complete and good. Racism is the lie that they are not as good right this instant.

There are certainly outright racists in our society. And many are police officers. But not ALL police officers are self-acknowledged white supremacists. Many would just as easily help out a Black person in trouble as a White person in trouble. So many white people hide behind the "**I'm** not a racist" card. Individually, we may not hold conscious beliefs in our superiority, but we need to face the fact that our society holds systemic racism. Our willful ignorance of that fact creates situations where 12-year-old Black boys are killed for wearing a hoodie and Black men are murdered on the pavement by those who are supposed to protect us all.

We don't know all the facts regarding the death of Daunte Wright. We do know another Black man was killed by another police officer. I'm sure we will hear all sorts of things about the incident over the next days, weeks, months, and years. But I call on you to examine the lie. Spend some time reflecting on your reaction to a Black man entering an elevator with you. Think about what you picture when you're asked to describe a "welfare mom." We have all been exposed to the lie that is racism. What have you internalized? 

Black people are good people. They are intelligent. Hard-working. Successful. They love their families and make strong commitments to them. Black people are good people. They care for their communities. They dedicate themselves to improving the lot of their neighbors. Black people are good people. They achieve excellence in every field. They are doctors, lawyers, dancers, teachers, astronauts and so much more. 

How does the paragraph above sit with you? Do you find yourself countering the statements? Can you give any information about Blacks in history? Beyond MLK? How about Madame CJ Walker? Do you know about Black Wall Street? The laws which routed and continue to route public infrastructure through Black and brown communities, taking generational wealth from persons of color? 

Black people are good people. 

Racism is the lie that Black people are inferior. 

Where did this lie come from? From the need of white kidnappers to justify the abduction of thousands of Black people living their best lives in Africa. From the need of white slaveholders to justify the enslavement of human beings, the selling of children, and the systemic rape of women. 

Racism is the lie that Black people are inferior. Confront that lie inside yourself. Look for Black Excellence. Join a Facebook group that spreads the news of Black Excellence. Read Black history. Go to Black cultural events. If you look, you will find Black Excellence. It is all around us.

Racism is the lie that Black people are inferior. Racism is the lie that in order to be equal, Blacks must meet the White norm. Black people have been equal all along; it's just the White people who haven't recognized it.

A. Year.

A year. A year of quarantine. A year of pandemic. A year of staying home. A year of family, but not extended family. A year of online school for our teen. A year of homeschool for me and the little guys. (Well, that wasn't different! Homeschooling has been happening in our home for years.)

This was. A. Year. Strangest I've ever had, for sure! The past 12 months have been different in many ways. We could all list many things we've disliked: masks, chapped hands, social distancing...

But this was also a GOOD year. Yes, I'm serious. 

Each of us has had one COVID-birthday. Our middle dude is on the verge of a second one, but we're hoping that the tribe lifts some restrictions so we can invite people for an outside party. And this year we started some new birthday traditions: The birthday person gets a personal cake in addition to a family cake; and I've learned how to make an ice cream cake. 

We worshipped at home. The five of us and all three of our cats. We huddled together around my computer, sang worship and praise, and listened to the weekly sermon my husband posted on YouTube. We were able to pause and answer questions, which grew our faith.

We got outside. Not as much as we usually do, but we got out to hike and kayak several times. We wore masks when we were near people, but mostly were able to go maskless because we were isolated from others. It was a joy~reminded me of why outdoor activities are so welcome in my life.

We made a million memories! When the fireworks were cancelled, we made our own with eggshells filled with paint. If you throw them at things (boxes! We threw them at boxes!), the splatter looks like fireworks. When Little Beaver Celebration was cancelled, we made our own carnival, rides and all! Our teenager planned monthly "sleepovers" with the boys in the living room. She planned the treats, the movies, the decorations...all on a theme each time! We even made a haunted house for Halloween! And the kids made pinata pumpkins which we filled with candy and broke on Halloween.

We had a New Year's Eve party, complete with a photo booth. We, like everyone, hoped that 2021 would be a year of joy. January brought political unrest nationwide, but peace and hope here at home. February brought vaccines to our community, our state, and our arms! 

Almost exactly a year after we began to social distance, we are fully vaccinated. We are grateful for the possibilities that brings. And we're also grateful for the home-centered-year that we've had. Re-entering the "rat race" will bring different joys, but we'll always have the memories of that year. Because it's been A. Year.

God Glue

 

A dear Christian friend told me recently that I was living in fear because I was practicing social distancing and wearing a mask. I responded that I'm not afraid, instead I have compassion on the medical systems and their employees. I want to be sure not to add to the burden they are carrying through this pandemic. I also remain careful because we live among the Jicarilla Apache people, and the Indigenous people of our continent have suffered immense losses due to diseases in the past and present. I will not be responsible for the spread of this disease here on the reservation!

After our conversation, I was musing about how I felt about catching the coronavirus... and about dying. I realized I have very little fear of dying, but I do have concerns about my family. My exact thought was, "I'm the glue that holds this family together." As soon as that thought crossed my mind, I corrected myself. I should not be the glue that holds this family together. God should be.

I'm important in our family, for sure. I'm the one teaching the kids. I'm the one that cooks and cleans (by choice, not by default or pressure!). Brad is important in our family, too. He's the one that makes actual money. He's the one that leads our worship and devotions. But neither of us are what holds our family together.

God holds our family. He holds our family together. He leads us in every part of our lives. God Glue is the important factor. 

And I started thinking of ways that we live out what I believe: God's got this. HE is in charge and HE has a wonderful plan for all of our lives. No matter what happens, God will be with each one of us. We are never alone. Never without resources. Never without hope. 

So what do I do with this important fact that I want my children to live by?

1) Tell them! Our kids sometimes ask us what would happen to them if we both died. We always tell them that God has a plan for them. We say that we don't know what the plan is, but God does! He will provide for them in every circumstance. Eternally! (We also have some concrete things in place that the kids know about.)

2) Live this knowledge! We live like God has a plan for us! People ask when we're going to retire, and we say, "God is in charge. When He gives us the signal that we should retire, we will. When the kids ask where we're going to live after Papa retires, we say, "The blue house in Pagosa (which we own at this point), if that's what God wants." We adults have to show our own trust in God's plans so our children see our faith.

3) Talk about God's part in your family. When someone is mean, we ask if that is how God wants us to behave. When someone destroys somebody's something, we talk about how God wants us to treat each other. When we watch a movie, we talk about how the characters are/aren't listening for God's Will. In our read-aloud books, we discuss how the characters are walking in God's way (or are not). 

So I repeat: I am not living in fear. And I am not the glue of our family. Our family would go on fine without me... because God is our glue. And that never ends. Never dies. Never fades away. 

Amen.

A To-Be List for 2021

 I can't imagine anyone saying that 2020 was their best year yet. It has been a year of challenge for the entire world. I'm looking forward to 2021, and I have been thinking about all the things I want to do: visit my parents and grandchildren, meet up with friends, get the vaccine, use those airplane tickets that are on hold...I've got a long list.

This week, though, in several places and manners, I have read about and thought about something different. The question shouldn't really be "What am I going to do in 2021?" but rather, "Who am I going to be in 2021?" 

Profoundly different. Vastly more important. And worth asking.

Who do I want to be? 

I want to be God's woman, first and foremost. I want to live my life as belonging to God. This fact anchors the rest of who I want to be.

I want to be a godly wife. I want to love my husband in ways that please God. This does not mean that I am subservient or somehow a second-rate citizen. I am so loved by God that I am inspired and enabled to love my husband with similar commitment as God's love for me. 

I want to be a godly mother and teacher. I want to love my children with grace. I want to hold them accountable and still teach them God's grace. I want to guide them with love, and I want to show them God's glory. 

I want to be a loving friend and daughter. Relationships are precious. I want to be the kind of daughter and friend who is there when times are tough, and is there to celebrate joyous occasions. 

I want to be a contributing citizen of the community. I want to be an asset, not a deficit. I want to contribute positively in my home, neighborhood, town, state, country, and world. I want to make this a better place for all of us.

I want to be me. God created me to be me, not a copy of someone else. I have no aspirations to be someone else, just a better me. 

Who do you want to be in 2021?

It's worth thinking and praying about.

We Do Not Lose Heart

 2020 has been a year of losses. In Dulce today, we are feeling this sharply and acutely. Those losses are real, painful, and bring much sorrow. Across the world, people are mourning the loss of loved ones. Even people who have not lost someone in their inner circle are feeling the communal loss of over 1.5 million souls. 

In addition to the loss of life, we are all feeling the loss of our loved ones' presence. It's hard to go so long without hugging our grown children, our parents, our siblings. It's difficult to accept a lonely Thanksgiving and Christmas. It's sad to chat with friends from six feet away, with masks, when we long to hug and be hugged.

The deprivation of our routine and pleasurable experiences (visiting, shopping, eating out, etc) is another grief. Many of us have not eaten in a restaurant for almost a year. We have not set foot in a retail space (other than groceries) since March. Maybe not as intense as the loss of relationship, this definitely does cause heartache.

Our family has not had deep financial hardship, but some families have. Losing a job can cause despair. Losing a business is calamitous. There are so many victims of this pandemic, we cannot count them all. And they hurt. These losses ache in our souls.

In a world and a heart filled with grief, this morning I read 2 Corinthians 4. Verse 8 resounded in my weary heart: "We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed." In verse 16, it says, "Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day."

We do not lose heart grabbed my attention. It's not a command; it is a statement of fact. We do not lose heart. Christians, we grieve. We feel the losses of the pandemic and other calamities. It all hurts! But we do not lose heart. We cling to the truths of Jesus: We are loved. We are forgiven. We are held. This world is not our home. All sadness and hurt will end. Jesus will wipe away every tear that we hold. Every sorrow will be gone.

For all those grieving today. Turn toward Him. Grab the promises. Remember that you are not alone. Fix your eyes on Jesus. 

Amen and amen.

Galatians 1:24

 My husband is preaching through Galatians right now. In preparation for a recent sermon, I read the section of Scripture he was going to address (Galatians 11-24). It is basically Paul giving his credentials as an apostle, assuring the church in Galatia that the gospel Paul preached to them was the one directly from Jesus Christ. The final verse, though, grabbed my eye: "And they praised God because of me." 

Paul's life has certainly led to many people to praise God. Paul's testimony is bold and clear throughout
the New Testament. His words cause me to pause and ponder often. I think his statement is not boasting, but rather, the truth. 

Wouldn't that be a nice legacy? They praised God because of me. Not because I'm so important, but because God's work is so important. I would like to be the kind of Christian that causes people to praise God. But a few verses (Galatians 1:10b) before this one, Paul also says, "If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ." So we can't plan our Christian service around making people praise God because of us. 

We can't plan our Christian service around anything because of us. This is God's work. We are only a small piece of God's plan, and we are to follow Christ, not lead. So we do the mundane tasks God has put before us, praising God as we go. 

For me, this is laundry and cooking and teaching young minds. It's keeping in touch with people. It's sharing food with neighbors and strangers. It's praying for my children, grandchildren, parents, other people's children, and more. 

Sometimes, it doesn't feel like much. It's certainly not going to inspire many to praise God because of me. BUT (and it's a big "but") this is what God has called me to. It is my calling. My job. Whether any human appreciates it or not. 

And, as Jesus says in Matthew 11:30, the burden is light. I love it! Sure, there are moments when I wish the laundry would end or that nobody needed me right then, but God has prepared me well for the task of raising and teaching children. He has moved in my life in ways that have built my skills for this. 

Who am I to say that the work to which God has called me is unimportant? It is vital , or He would not have called me to it. It is my work, for Him. I pray that I can do it well so that someday I will hear, "Well done, good and faithful servant."

Do not doubt that your call from God is worthy. No matter what He has called you to, it is your work for Him. Treasure the opportunity to serve Him! Do your very best, and when you can't do your best, ask God to strengthen you; He will. Keep at it, and when you don't have the energy to do that, ask God to renew your strength. Isaiah 40:31 says He will. You can trust that!

Amen and amen.

Deleting Candy Crush

 I'm sure you've heard of Candy Crush. I had, but had never played it. In an idle moment a couple of weeks ago, I downloaded it. There's been plenty of time for distractions during this pandemic, that's for sure! Especially, the past couple of weeks, since I am nursing a stress fracture in my foot. (I tried ignoring it, but that didn't work so well. It had gotten worse until I truly began to rest it a few days ago.)

Candy Crush is fun! It is inherently rewarding, and exciting, and it gives the illusion of accomplishment. I found myself focusing intently on passing level after level. I even broke my own "rule" and spent money to buy the power-ups occasionally! 

Spending money wasn't the problem, though, in the end. I can certainly see that being a problem for people, but my problem was the focus. Sometime yesterday morning, I read Philippians 4:8: "Finally brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things."

I had already been aware that I was spending an awful lot of time and energy on Candy Crush, but this verse pulled me back into a Biblical focus with a bang! Now, there's nothing wrong with Candy Crush, just like there's nothing wrong with technology. But we only have so many minutes in a day, and we only have so much focus and energy to spend...

I was spending so much time, focus, and energy on Candy Crush that I wasn't interacting with my family as I'd prefer. I wasn't reading my Bible as much as I usually did. The house wasn't as clean as usual (but I can't blame Candy Crush for that, that's because of my foot pain--lol). You get the idea. 

I want to be clear: It's not Candy Crush that was the problem! I could've been (and have been in the past) distracted from focusing on God by so many things. The only way to assess this is to think about what we've been focusing on instead of God and His goodness. 

So, take a moment today. Assess what you're focus is on in this pandemic. Are you obsessively watching the news? Texting with a friend? Worrying? Playing a game? Even inherently "good" activities like reading books, exercising, or cleaning can be a wrong-focus if it's replacing your God-focused activities and thinking. And God-focused activities and thinking don't have to be individual activities like reading the Bible or memorizing Scripture! Interacting with your family members can be a way of serving God, especially if you intentionally display God-honoring characteristics during the interactions. 

So I deleted Candy Crush. And intentionally started a puzzle (which by the end of the day, had drawn in several family members for a bit of time). And downloaded a new Scripture memorization app. And played a game with my kids. 

May God continue to lead me in His direction, all the days of my life.

God's Got This

 

The election is coming up. There is a lot of consternation about mail-in voting, in-person voting in a pandemic, the outcome of the election, and more. About half of the citizens are convinced that absolute anarchy will rule if the Democratic candidates are voted in as president and vice-president, and about half the citizens are convinced that absolute anarchy will rule if the Republican candidates are voted in. There is a lot of hate, anxiety, and accusation being thrown around on social media and in person.

Christian, let me remind you: God's Got This! Yes, even THIS. He is sovereign, and however our political future is shaped, He is in charge. Remember that He allowed the Babylonians to destroy Jerusalem and carry away His people! And then He redeemed them. He knows the outcome of every single thing we worry about. 

I'm not saying that we shouldn't care about what's happening in our country. The Bible tells us to be involved in the world (but not of the world). We should care and work for our beliefs and values. But we shouldn't fear what is to come! 

We can rest assured that God in in control and the outcome will be His. No matter how things turn out on Election Day. As a recent meme stated, "Don't let the elephants and the donkeys make you forget that you're a child of the lamb!" 

Knowing that God is sovereign and that whatever the outcome of the election, His will is done makes it possible for us to respond with love and concern to those whose ideas differ from ours. I know there are some citizens out there who choose not to engage with people with specific beliefs; I respect that, but it doesn't mean that we can't have basic human decency toward those people. Calling others hateful names, damaging their property or bodies, these are things that are against what the Bible expresses. We can disengage with others without being hateful. 

God's Got This. However the election turns out, God is in control and we can trust Him to take the outcome and somehow make it His. 

What I Have Gained...

 A comment from an atheist friend really struck me; they referred to a "pretend god" and "wishful thinking" as they mentioned faith. I didn't confront them about their thoughts (we've had that conversation before), but it really got me thinking. I remember being asked by a non-Christian friend a long time ago, "Don't you see what you're missing?" They meant that my faith was keeping me from having "good" things. At the time, I strongly considered they were right. In fact, that was the beginning of my walk away from God for a couple of decades. Thankfully, God is the one who holds us together, not me. He kept his hold on me through those lost years and pulled me back to Himself over time.

What am I losing by having faith? That's what those unbelieving friends are focused on. I was losing out on having fun, on rational thought, on reality! The trap of "missing out" has led many young Christians astray, like it did me. 

Today, when I think about what I'm losing through my faith, different things come to mind. Through faith, I have lost fear, anxiety, aimlessness, anger, unforgiveness, and so much more. I remember when I first started back to church, I felt like an imposter, but God kept urging me to come back. I have gained so very much because I listened to God's call.

Far more important than I have "lost" through my faith in Jesus Christ, is what I have gained. I think the list of fruits of the spirit in Galatians 5:22 is an incredible list of what Christians gain through faith! Indeed, I have gained love beyond all measure. From my husband, from the family that God has created for us, from fellow Christians here in Dulce and elsewhere. 

My joy surpasses all understanding. In the midst of terrible circumstances, I have maintained my Christian joy. Even when I am struggling against the depression which has followed me for most of my life, I feel joy! It's deep and free-flowing in my spirit. 

And peace. There is such peace in my life these days...perhaps I feel it greatly because my life prior to returning to faith was so very anxiety-ridden. God's peace fills my heart and mind; I rarely experience any anxiety or fear anymore. Peace is precious.

I am in great need of patience, kindness, gentleness, and self-control as I raise children in my late 50s. I am a much better parent than I was in my 20s and 30s. I attribute my ability to keep my cool to God's work in my heart. Each day as school begins, I pray for patience, kindness, gentleness, self-control, and wisdom. These gifts from God have been consistently mine as I homeschool.

I thank God for the faith he has given me. When I wander, He pulls me back. When I feel weak in my faith, He claims me. I am blessed beyond measure.

I have "lost" nothing through faith. I have gained much! I pray that as you consider your situation in life, you see much gained by faith as well. If you do not have faith, or if you don't see the gain from faith, pray that God would open your eyes and heart to His reality. It is amazing!

Six Months...Why We are Still Staying Home:

Our family formally started self-quarantining due to COVID-19 on March 10, six months ago today. I wrote about our reasons for self-quarantining the next day. In that post, I estimated that we would be self-quarantining for a couple of weeks and then reassessing. We have reassessed continually for the past six months and each time, we agree that we should continue to stay at home except for essential outings.

Six months in, and I want to address two questions:

     1. How are we doing??

     2. Why are we still self-quarantining??

 Our family is doing great! We have entertained ourselves quite successfully through the pandemic. In June, when our town celebration usually happens, we held our own mini-carnival, complete with homemade funnel cakes and snow cones. In July, we celebrated the Fourth with a backyard waterslide, a shaving cream war, and paint fireworks (there being a ban on all fires and fireworks due to fire danger).

We have learned bike tricks on the driveway, taken several socially-distanced kayak trips, and gone hiking. We have gotten confident in taking the children to a state park just off the reservation where we can kayak and hike without encountering anyone close-up. The kids have gotten good at wearing their masks around their necks or attached to their hats so they can flip them on in a second or two.
 Our backyard ninja line has gotten lots of use, as have our swings and zip line. We really have used this quieter time to spend quality time with our family.





So why are we still self-quarantining? 

Because, really, nothing has changed since March. We are still facing a virus for which almost no one has immunity. The CDC estimates that ten times as many people have had COVID19 as the official positive count. So, as we are officially just over 6,000,000 positive cases, probably 60,000,000 people in the US have had coronavirus. That still leaves approximately 268,000,000 vulnerable people. Yes, really.

We've had about 190,000 deaths from COVID19 in the US. That's about a 0.3% death rate if we use the total estimated case count (60,000,000). Hopefully, as we learn more about how to treat this disease, the death rate will drop. Even so, I don't want to be among the statistics, nor do I want my family among them.

So, we are self-quarantining to protect the hospital systems that serve our area. We are self-quarantining to avoid being a transmission route to our family and our community. We are self-quarantining to be part of the solution.

We are, however, expanding our horizons a bit as time goes on. The hiking and kayaking mentioned above are things we didn't do in the early spring. We have taken the kids to the zoo (COVID-safe practices in place) recently. We even picked up fast food yesterday for the first time! We are simply adding safety measures to these activities: mask-wearing, hand-sanitizing, etc.

We aren't, though, traveling to see our extended families at this time. We miss them and love them a lot! But we don't want to bring this disease to our 80+ year old parents, nor do we want to contract it from our less-quarantined grandchildren. So for now, we are mostly staying home. And we don't regret it a bit!

Predictable, Perfunctory, or Profound?

The Christian life is a journey. We are not in the same place as our friends, family, or Christian brothers and sisters. But we are all on the journey, and we can all  benefit from asking this question of our Christian habits, our Christian practices, our Christian motion: Is this predictable, perfunctory, or profound?

It's really easy to let prayer, church, Bible-reading, and other Christian habits turn into superficial practices. I am reading the Bible online with a Bible-reading plan that is supposed to keep me on track. I like the Bible-reading plan on the YouVersion Bible app, and I've been reading the plan for two and a half years. I will be done reading the entire Bible by the beginning of 2021.

Sounds good, right?

Except....

I realized a couple of weeks ago that I was speeding through the Bible reading to get done. My goal was to finish for the day. I wanted to check it off my list. My reading of God's Word, the Word of God Himself, had turned into a perfunctory task to complete before my day began. Not the way to treat God's Holy Word.

Prayer is another of my daily Christian practices. I pray with my kids. I pray with my whole family. I pray with my husband. I pray by myself. We've been trying to encourage our kids to think about what they are praying. Not to simply repeat their typical, "Thank-you-God-for-the-food. Hope-we-have-a-wonderful-day." It's easy to let our prayers become predictable, repetitive, and thought-less. Not the way to talk to our Holy God, our Lord and Savior.


Church in the time of a pandemic is an interesting proposition. It isn't very predictable, is it? My husband purposefully keeps his preaching from being perfunctory, but as a listener, it is easy to let the words go into one ear and out the other. The same thing is true of Christian music, it's easy to let the music play away without listening to the depth of the words. Without engaging. Without processing.

I've been mulling my own Christian practices and habits lately (obviously). I've tried a few different things to wake myself up to the words of the songs, the sermons, and the Word. Sometimes, my techniques helped...sometimes they didn't. I found one thing that did make a difference, though.

Every.

Single.

Time.

That was prayer, asking God to make this experience profound. I just ask God to take my prayer time and make it meaningful. I pray that the online church service will change me to be more like Jesus. I pray that my reading of the Bible would affect my heart, my life. I lift up my desire for this experience to be more than predictable and perfunctory! I ask God to use my time to bring me profound change.

Try it. It's amazing.

Where is God in This Pandemic??!

 When bad things happen, and there have sure been a lot of them lately, it is natural for people to wonder, "And just where was God when such-and-such happened?!" This question is usually uttered with indignation, because after all, if God were around, He certainly wouldn't have allowed this!

But God does allow bad things. Clearly, many times in the Bible, God allows trouble to come to His people. In John 16:33, Jesus says, "I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world!" It can't get much clearer than that: Trouble comes to God's people.

The Bible addresses the world's troubles frequently in the Psalms and elsewhere. For example, Psalm 10:1 asks, "Why do you hide yourself in times of trouble?" But at the end of the same Psalm (verses 17-18) the Psalmist ends with, "You, Lord, hear the desire of the afflicted; you encourage them, and you listen to their cry, defending the fatherless and the oppressed..."

So, if God is here during this pandemic, why can't we see Him? There is so much hate and anger and name-calling, etc. Where is God??!!


Where. Is. God.


He is in the hands and feet of those who are helping.


God is in the congregation of Connections Church in the Denver, CO, area. The people there gathered VBS materials for us and shipped them to us. They provided snacks, lessons, crafts, and more to the children and youth here in Dulce last month. More than 60 kids here received a VBS-to-go bag of materials  to use during our recent Stay-at-Home orders from the tribe. Our own children and teen participated and found the activities very meaningful and fun.


God is in the hearts and minds of those people here on the reservation who have donated and packed and delivered food and cleaning supplies to the Jicarilla elders and others in need. There have literally been tribal members who have volunteered hours of time to receive, organize and deliver needed supplies. There have also been donations from the state of New Mexico and others off the reservation to provide for the Jicarilla people during our lockdown. God's provision for us all has been astonishing!


God has also generously provided many masks for our family to give to our community. He has moved individuals and entire congregations to make masks for donation to the Jicarilla Apache people. We are even receiving some individually wrapped disposable masks to put into the boxes for elders and others, as well as for visitors to our home who prefer disposable masks. We continue to provide food for anyone who asks at our door. Being able to give masks to these folks adds a measure of safety for us and them.

No matter where we look, there are people helping and serving in the name of Jesus. That's where God is in this pandemic. Right there. Look around to see the work that Jesus is inspiring and directing. And if you don't see anybody helping and serving, look for a way you could help or serve.

Be the hands and feet of Jesus in this world of pandemic.

Loneliness in a Pandemic

With three kids in the house, I rarely feel lonely. Their antics keep me involved in many activities each day, and I love it! We've been home with very few exceptions since March 10, 2020. 144 days with almost zero alone-time...I haven't felt lonely much.

But I've been noticing in my newsfeed on Facebook that a lot of people are feeling lonely. And I have to admit that I've been craving some friend-time that I'm missing.

Whether you're alone at home or in a crowded household, loneliness can creep in. Or a craving for a specific type of connection. I love my kids! And I am really missing my friends and family. We're all getting weary of the caution with which we are living right now.

The other day, I found myself giving our teenager some advice I received from my mom many years ago: If you need a friend, look for someone who needs a friend.

I think the same advice goes for loneliness in a pandemic: If you feel lonely, look for someone else who needs connection. 

Jesus tells us to love our neighbors, so look for "the least of these." Think of the widows you know. Those alone in their homes. Those afraid of the coronavirus. Those single adults who are raising children in a pandemic alone. Those ill with COVID-19. Look around and find those who are in need of connection.

Then connect. Call them. Write a letter. Make an art project and send it to them. Send them some popcorn or a puzzle made from a picture of you together. Connect.

And connect with Jesus. The Bible says "God is with us" at least sixteen times (depending on translation, and I don't claim to have found each example)!  “God is with you in everything you do."  Genesis 21:22b  "The Lord Almighty is with us; the God of Jacob is our fortress." Psalm 46:7

There is never a time when God is not with us! Even if all your human connections are absent for the moment, there is always God. He is our strength and refuge. He is a very present help in times of trouble. He will never fail us!

So if you're feeling lonely, reach out to the Rock of our Salvation! Reach out to your loved ones! Reach out to your neighbors! You will conquer the loneliness of a pandemic for many if you do.

Spinning

Everywhere I look these days, it seems like things are spinning out of control. Coronavirus. Masks/No Masks. Racial Justice. So many people are so loud. So convinced that they alone are right. So determined to force the opinions to which they so strongly adhere.

I've been spinning a lot lately, too. Literally. For whatever reason, mild vertigo has become my companion. I hate it. I hate standing up to a world that is spinning, in which I have no balance! My balance has been affected greatly, and it's awful.

My walk this morning was cut short due to the spinning of my world. I despise not being able to keep my body in good working shape. A decade ago, I swam a couple miles, rode my bike several miles, and walked a couple of miles every day. My body felt strong and competent. Not anymore.

In all of this spinning, all of these things outside my control, I know I am not alone. I know others have worse physical conditions. I know others are puzzling their way through our chaotic world. I know that reality is spinning in so many unexpected ways. It's getting us all off-balance.

So what do we do? How do we manage these chaotic out-of-control events. How do we stay balanced in an ever-spinning world? Are we to simply fall down?

Well, this morning when I stood up too fast for my vertigo, I started to fall. Then I reached out to find something stable, something still. I found a coffee table with my hands and quickly sat down on it. I simply sat there until the chaos in my vestibular system settled down and I wasn't dizzy anymore.

So, Christian, what should you do to regain your balance? When the world is whirling uncontrollably with COVID, opinions, violence, or fear, what can you do?

Hold fast to your foundation. Reach out to your faith: pray, read your Bible, listen to Christian music, talk with your pastor or a trusted Christian sister. When you reach for something stable, you can rest in it for long enough to regain your balance. After you rest, the chaos will be more manageable.

This world is spinning at an incredible rate, with much confusing noise. Regain your balance. Stop. Slow. Reach for trusted faith resources. Rest.

Rest.

Amen.

Sonflowers

The sunflowers are blooming in New Mexico. These sunflowers are slightly different from the Midwest's sunflowers. In the Midwest, sunflowers are tall, straight, and have one giant bloom on top. In the Southwest, sunflowers grow on lower, multi-stemmed plants with multiple blooms. The Jicarilla say that the height of the sunflowers equals the height of the snow in the upcoming winter.

One thing that all the sunflowers I've ever seen do is to turn their blossoms toward the sun throughout the day. In the morning, the blossoms all face east; in the evening, west. It's amazing to watch a field of sunflowers on time lapse (here)!

As we've proceeded through this pandemic and racial upheaval in the past few months, I've often wondered what good I can do in this situation. And sometimes, I've been downhearted, as I'm sure most of you have, also.

On yesterday's morning walk, I saw the first sunflower blooms and they made me smile. They were bent to the sun, leaning into that warmth and energy with all their being. The buds were just splitting on some of the flowers, but even they were reaching for the sun.

Christians, this is what we need to do in this troubled time. And in every time. Lean into the Son. Reach toward Jesus with all your being. Soak up His energy, His warmth, His love, His guidance. Read His word. Sing songs to praise Him. Look Sonward.

Be a Sonflower.

High Stakes

Most of you know that our family was built by God. He has a wonderful sense of humor! When we married, we were empty nesters in our late 40s and early 50s. We didn't expect to raise any more children. We were done being in-house parents.

Then came a phone call from our granddaughter's social worker. (We didn't even know she had one!) The social worker asked us to consider taking our 2 year old granddaughter as a foster child, with the possibility of adopting her. We felt too old. We were assured we were not. We felt too busy, but we weren't.

We prayed. She came. She stayed. Forever. It's been a delight to raise her to her teen years! We look forward to the short time we have left with her in our home as a minor. She is a wonderful young adult, and I love the fact that I get to be her grandma-mom forever!

About three years ago, our granddaughter was getting old enough we could leave her alone for short periods of time. It was such a joy to be able to go out running and walking together as a couple! We relished the growing independence for her and for us.

Then came a phone call. Asking us if we would take two tiny Apache boys "for a few days" so that the social worker here could find a Jicarilla family to take them longer term. We reminded the social worker that we were white. They said it's okay. We reminded the social worker that we were old (in our 50s for real, now). They said it was fine.

We prayed. They came. They stayed. Forever. We did not anticipate raising kids more than 50 years younger than we are, but God has called us to this. He will give us the endurance and wisdom to do it for Him.

Today, in the midst of the COVID-19 pandemic, with the tribe having a more than 300% increase in cases in the past couple of weeks, the tribal president sent out a memo to the community. In it, the consequences for Native Americans breaking the health orders was laid out. And so were the consequences for Non-Native Americans (us, minus the boys): Immediate expulsion from the reservation.

I totally agree with these consequences. The Jicarilla Apache have suffered from diseases brought by outsiders, and they deserve to protect their people and their land. I have no hesitations about their rights or reasons to make the consequences so dire. And I intend to follow every letter of this order.

But my heart is in my stomach because the stakes are so very high. If we disobey the health orders, even accidentally, the tribe has every right to remove us from their land. We have heard stories of occasional white people getting kicked off the rez. We have always been law-abiding guests of the Jicarilla, recognizing our status as guests.

The knots in my stomach come from what would happen to the boys, now 5 and 7, if we were excluded from the reservation. They are technically wards of the court (the Jicarilla court), and if we were told to leave, it would most likely be without the boys. Requiring them to move to yet another home. Which we've promised we would not do to them, if it is within our power.

High Stakes.

But not as high as the stakes in having faith in Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior. Those are forever high stakes. Those are eternal high stakes. If my stomach is in knots at the thought of messing up and having to leave two of our children behind, my stomach should be in complete flip-flops when I consider my faith in Jesus Christ, or my children's faith in Jesus Christ.

But my stomach isn't flip-flopping over faith. Is it because I don't care???

No! Absolutely not. I care very much. But, while following the health orders on the reservation is something I have to do on my own (and my family has to do each on his/her own), faith is a gift of God. Look at Ephesians 2:8! "For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith--and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God."

God is doing the heavy-lifting in faith. He gives faith to me. I can depend on him. His faithfulness to me is eternal and supreme. There is no need for anxiety about faith. About grace. About whether I'm measuring up.

Thank God!

I Challenge You, Two.

Christian, what is God's greatest commandment?

To love the Lord, your God, with all your heart, with all your mind, with all your strength. And the second is like it: Love your neighbor as yourself. I doubt that any Christian would ever question the first commandment. I think every Christian would agree that we are to love God. Wholeheartedly. Forever. And I believe that most Christians would say they love their neighbors. They donate. They volunteer. They contribute. But I want you, Christian Brother or Sister, to take a deeper look.

The exact words of this commandment from the Bible (from three different translations) are:

          "A second is equally important: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'" (NLT)
          "And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself." (KJV)
          "And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'" (NIV)

My challenge is this: Are there any qualifications as to which neighbor you are supposed to love?

I see none. I see no exceptions to "love thy neighbor." Do you? There is nothing in the commandment that indicates we should hate our transsexual neighbor, our Black neighbor, our White neighbor, our gay neighbor, or any other neighbor. I see no indication that we should only love our neighbors who live like we do, think like we do, or act like we do. None. Do you?

When Jesus spoke these words, he gave no qualifiers. If the God of the universe says we are to love our neighbor and doesn't limit which neighbor to love, how on earth can we humans justify limiting which neighbors we love? People do not have to pass a theological litmus test to be our neighbors, to be loved! That's what God says: Love every neighbor.

What about those with whom we disagree? Do we have to love them?  Of course we do. Jesus said to love our neighbor. No qualifiers. None. So, yes, we have to love those on the opposing sides of disagreements. Loving them doesn't mean agreeing with them. This is the greatest piece of my challenge to you, Christian.

God hates sin. Jesus hated the sin he saw in his neighbors that He loved. But Jesus loved the sinners. God has very clear boundaries about sin, and He hates every border crossing that we make. But Jesus Himself is proof to His followers that God loves the sinners. Romans 5:8 makes this crystal clear: "...but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us."

So, Christian, I challenge you to dig deep into yourself and ask if you are behaving in a loving way to your neighbors. All of your neighbors. Are you loving your neighbors who demonstrate your pet peeve of sins? Are you loving your neighbors without exception? It is not our job to judge, it is our job to love.

So, love, Christian, love. Love deeply, completely, generously, and without exception. And when you have a conflict with someone, disagree with love. Treat your opponent with love. Respond with love. Not agreement. Not conciliation without regard to your own beliefs. But with love because that's what Jesus told us to do.

This Broken World

I would be surprised if we could find anyone in the entire world today that would disagree with this: The world has lots of problems. As a Christian, I call the world broken. From coronavirus and quarantines to the murders of George Floyd and Breonna Taylor to the destruction of property and rain forests, this world is a mess. 

The broken world is one I love. I love its mountains and oceans, its human and animal inhabitants. All of which I am somewhat cut-off from right now. We should be preparing for a long-awaited visit from cousins this month, but these visits have been canceled due to coronavirus precautions. Next month, we were supposed to go back to the Midwest to see our parents, some of our siblings, our children, and our grandchildren. Canceled.

We usually are hiking and kayaking at least once a week by now, but Colorado has put limitations on their open space and the tribe has asked us not to travel off-reservation except for essential business. Our teenager, instead of hanging out with her friends at NYPUM (National Youth Project Using Motorcycles), is hanging out at home with her family. Our little guys are not participating in the Jicarilla Department of Youth programs, learning their language and culture with their friends; instead they are playing in their yard (which is awesome with a ninja warrior obstacle course, tons of space to ride their bikes, and sprinklers to keep them cool).

This world is broken in the best of times. It is certainly shattered right now. So what do we do? What does a Christian do in a broken world? 

The same thing Christians do in all times: Speak Life. 

We speak to God's goodness and power and grace. God has provided for our family in so many ways! We have joyfully received donations of food and drink. We have been blessed with enough money to pay for the more-expensive groceries. Our children are all handling quarantine with grace. It's not easy, but they are finding happiness in our everyday experiences.

We speak faithfully of God's provision. We tell others about how worried we were for our mission partners in India. They have over 30 people in their household right now, including orphans and Bible teachers! The coronavirus cases are exploding in their area, so they are mostly staying inside. We talk about how we've prayed for their food needs...feeding 30 people is no easy task, especially when shortages of all foodstuffs have raised prices to double and triple normal costs. And then we receive some "extra" money from the government or from skype-tutoring and are able to send our tithe to India to help feed this mission group. 

We reach out to those in our own backyard. There are many people who walk through the church property to reach other parts of town here in Dulce. We have always prayed for/with these people. We frequently have provided meals for these neighbors. And we continue to do these things. A friend (knowing that we do these things) recently sent over 40 cloth masks for us to give away. So when someone knocks at the door requesting a meal, we can provide a mask for them to wear to protect others (including us) from disease. We put together some food and drink for those who are hungry, and then we pray together (6 feet apart) before they leave. 

We reach out to those farther away. All of our friends and relatives are in this same broken world as we are. Some of them are struggling with the isolation of coronavirus and some are struggling with the pain of repeated violence toward Black lives. Our black and brown friends and family are suffering from anxiety and depression at much higher rates since George Floyd's murder and the ensuing protests. We can text our farther-away friends and family to encourage them. We can telephone them to check in. We can have something caring delivered to them. We can mail them cards, drawings, photos, etc. We can reach out on social media to uplift. We can pray for them regularly. 

We are not helpless. Our help comes from the Lord! He is never without power. His grace is unending. His love overflows our need. He will provide. Always. In all ways. 

Let me say that again.

He will provide.

Always.

In all ways.

Amen. 

#sitwiththis

I recently read this question asked of Black leaders in a forum:  Do Black people get sunburned? As the mom of two Black children I had some experience in this area, but I chose to keep my thoughts to myself and listen. I am learning that this is the very best way to learn from people way more informed and experienced than myself. 

I mean, think about it...who would you ask if Black people can get sunburned: White people or Black people? It's a no-brainer, right? 

Then why won't you listen to Black people about racism? Specifically about whether racism is happening frequently in 2020.  Aren't they the ones who would have the experience and knowledge to tell whether racism is alive and well in 2020? Aren't people of color the experts? 

No? How on earth can you claim to know more about racism and whether it's happening right now than people who receive racism?! 

And yet, that's what I see so many White people claiming: 

"There is no racism today." 

"Racism is dead; Black people keep dredging it up." 

"Stop claiming racism about everything!" 

"Racism is getting worse because Black people keep pushing it."

"I'm appalled at the murder of George Floyd, but I see no evidence it was racist."

"I understand why Black people are mad, but they should stop rioting."

And on and on.

White people: You are NOT the experts in racism. Black and Brown people are. Stop talking over them. Stop questioning their perceptions. Just stop.

And listen.

Listen to Colin Kaepernick's peaceful, quiet kneel.

Listen to Shaun King's social media posts.

Listen to Michelle Alexander and Ibram X. Kendi in their books about race.

Listen to Bryan Stevenson's TED Talk, "We Need to Talk About an Injustice." 

Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. called riots "the voice of the unheard." White America needs to make Black America heard. White America needs to stop talking over Black America and listen. Really listen. Stop telling Black people that their experiences aren't really what they say they are. Stop telling Black people that they're saying it wrong. Stop telling Black people that you're not racist; instead tell them what you're doing to be anti-racist. After you listen.

Listen to the experts on racism: Black Americans. Brown Americans. 

If we White Americans do not truly listen to Black and Brown Americans right now, there will be more riots. More anger. More hatred. I do not recommend rioting, but I do understand it. I support those who are doing it because no one is listening to their long list of grievances. Below is a diagram for you to explore to see if you yourself contribute to those grievances. Take some time to explore it and your own behavior.

When someone is being hurt repeatedly by another, we encourage politely telling the aggressor to stop. If they don't, we tell people to say it stronger. And if the perpetrator continues, we give permission to hit back. I mean, seriously folks, isn't that what you've told your kids??? If the bully won't listen to your words, your strong, powerful words, you can hit them back. Stand your ground even puts it into law. Talk. Talk strongly. Hit back.

Start listening, White America. Seek Black voices and listen.

Please.