A To-Be List for 2021

 I can't imagine anyone saying that 2020 was their best year yet. It has been a year of challenge for the entire world. I'm looking forward to 2021, and I have been thinking about all the things I want to do: visit my parents and grandchildren, meet up with friends, get the vaccine, use those airplane tickets that are on hold...I've got a long list.

This week, though, in several places and manners, I have read about and thought about something different. The question shouldn't really be "What am I going to do in 2021?" but rather, "Who am I going to be in 2021?" 

Profoundly different. Vastly more important. And worth asking.

Who do I want to be? 

I want to be God's woman, first and foremost. I want to live my life as belonging to God. This fact anchors the rest of who I want to be.

I want to be a godly wife. I want to love my husband in ways that please God. This does not mean that I am subservient or somehow a second-rate citizen. I am so loved by God that I am inspired and enabled to love my husband with similar commitment as God's love for me. 

I want to be a godly mother and teacher. I want to love my children with grace. I want to hold them accountable and still teach them God's grace. I want to guide them with love, and I want to show them God's glory. 

I want to be a loving friend and daughter. Relationships are precious. I want to be the kind of daughter and friend who is there when times are tough, and is there to celebrate joyous occasions. 

I want to be a contributing citizen of the community. I want to be an asset, not a deficit. I want to contribute positively in my home, neighborhood, town, state, country, and world. I want to make this a better place for all of us.

I want to be me. God created me to be me, not a copy of someone else. I have no aspirations to be someone else, just a better me. 

Who do you want to be in 2021?

It's worth thinking and praying about.

We Do Not Lose Heart

 2020 has been a year of losses. In Dulce today, we are feeling this sharply and acutely. Those losses are real, painful, and bring much sorrow. Across the world, people are mourning the loss of loved ones. Even people who have not lost someone in their inner circle are feeling the communal loss of over 1.5 million souls. 

In addition to the loss of life, we are all feeling the loss of our loved ones' presence. It's hard to go so long without hugging our grown children, our parents, our siblings. It's difficult to accept a lonely Thanksgiving and Christmas. It's sad to chat with friends from six feet away, with masks, when we long to hug and be hugged.

The deprivation of our routine and pleasurable experiences (visiting, shopping, eating out, etc) is another grief. Many of us have not eaten in a restaurant for almost a year. We have not set foot in a retail space (other than groceries) since March. Maybe not as intense as the loss of relationship, this definitely does cause heartache.

Our family has not had deep financial hardship, but some families have. Losing a job can cause despair. Losing a business is calamitous. There are so many victims of this pandemic, we cannot count them all. And they hurt. These losses ache in our souls.

In a world and a heart filled with grief, this morning I read 2 Corinthians 4. Verse 8 resounded in my weary heart: "We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed." In verse 16, it says, "Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day."

We do not lose heart grabbed my attention. It's not a command; it is a statement of fact. We do not lose heart. Christians, we grieve. We feel the losses of the pandemic and other calamities. It all hurts! But we do not lose heart. We cling to the truths of Jesus: We are loved. We are forgiven. We are held. This world is not our home. All sadness and hurt will end. Jesus will wipe away every tear that we hold. Every sorrow will be gone.

For all those grieving today. Turn toward Him. Grab the promises. Remember that you are not alone. Fix your eyes on Jesus. 

Amen and amen.

Galatians 1:24

 My husband is preaching through Galatians right now. In preparation for a recent sermon, I read the section of Scripture he was going to address (Galatians 11-24). It is basically Paul giving his credentials as an apostle, assuring the church in Galatia that the gospel Paul preached to them was the one directly from Jesus Christ. The final verse, though, grabbed my eye: "And they praised God because of me." 

Paul's life has certainly led to many people to praise God. Paul's testimony is bold and clear throughout
the New Testament. His words cause me to pause and ponder often. I think his statement is not boasting, but rather, the truth. 

Wouldn't that be a nice legacy? They praised God because of me. Not because I'm so important, but because God's work is so important. I would like to be the kind of Christian that causes people to praise God. But a few verses (Galatians 1:10b) before this one, Paul also says, "If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ." So we can't plan our Christian service around making people praise God because of us. 

We can't plan our Christian service around anything because of us. This is God's work. We are only a small piece of God's plan, and we are to follow Christ, not lead. So we do the mundane tasks God has put before us, praising God as we go. 

For me, this is laundry and cooking and teaching young minds. It's keeping in touch with people. It's sharing food with neighbors and strangers. It's praying for my children, grandchildren, parents, other people's children, and more. 

Sometimes, it doesn't feel like much. It's certainly not going to inspire many to praise God because of me. BUT (and it's a big "but") this is what God has called me to. It is my calling. My job. Whether any human appreciates it or not. 

And, as Jesus says in Matthew 11:30, the burden is light. I love it! Sure, there are moments when I wish the laundry would end or that nobody needed me right then, but God has prepared me well for the task of raising and teaching children. He has moved in my life in ways that have built my skills for this. 

Who am I to say that the work to which God has called me is unimportant? It is vital , or He would not have called me to it. It is my work, for Him. I pray that I can do it well so that someday I will hear, "Well done, good and faithful servant."

Do not doubt that your call from God is worthy. No matter what He has called you to, it is your work for Him. Treasure the opportunity to serve Him! Do your very best, and when you can't do your best, ask God to strengthen you; He will. Keep at it, and when you don't have the energy to do that, ask God to renew your strength. Isaiah 40:31 says He will. You can trust that!

Amen and amen.

Deleting Candy Crush

 I'm sure you've heard of Candy Crush. I had, but had never played it. In an idle moment a couple of weeks ago, I downloaded it. There's been plenty of time for distractions during this pandemic, that's for sure! Especially, the past couple of weeks, since I am nursing a stress fracture in my foot. (I tried ignoring it, but that didn't work so well. It had gotten worse until I truly began to rest it a few days ago.)

Candy Crush is fun! It is inherently rewarding, and exciting, and it gives the illusion of accomplishment. I found myself focusing intently on passing level after level. I even broke my own "rule" and spent money to buy the power-ups occasionally! 

Spending money wasn't the problem, though, in the end. I can certainly see that being a problem for people, but my problem was the focus. Sometime yesterday morning, I read Philippians 4:8: "Finally brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things."

I had already been aware that I was spending an awful lot of time and energy on Candy Crush, but this verse pulled me back into a Biblical focus with a bang! Now, there's nothing wrong with Candy Crush, just like there's nothing wrong with technology. But we only have so many minutes in a day, and we only have so much focus and energy to spend...

I was spending so much time, focus, and energy on Candy Crush that I wasn't interacting with my family as I'd prefer. I wasn't reading my Bible as much as I usually did. The house wasn't as clean as usual (but I can't blame Candy Crush for that, that's because of my foot pain--lol). You get the idea. 

I want to be clear: It's not Candy Crush that was the problem! I could've been (and have been in the past) distracted from focusing on God by so many things. The only way to assess this is to think about what we've been focusing on instead of God and His goodness. 

So, take a moment today. Assess what you're focus is on in this pandemic. Are you obsessively watching the news? Texting with a friend? Worrying? Playing a game? Even inherently "good" activities like reading books, exercising, or cleaning can be a wrong-focus if it's replacing your God-focused activities and thinking. And God-focused activities and thinking don't have to be individual activities like reading the Bible or memorizing Scripture! Interacting with your family members can be a way of serving God, especially if you intentionally display God-honoring characteristics during the interactions. 

So I deleted Candy Crush. And intentionally started a puzzle (which by the end of the day, had drawn in several family members for a bit of time). And downloaded a new Scripture memorization app. And played a game with my kids. 

May God continue to lead me in His direction, all the days of my life.

God's Got This

 

The election is coming up. There is a lot of consternation about mail-in voting, in-person voting in a pandemic, the outcome of the election, and more. About half of the citizens are convinced that absolute anarchy will rule if the Democratic candidates are voted in as president and vice-president, and about half the citizens are convinced that absolute anarchy will rule if the Republican candidates are voted in. There is a lot of hate, anxiety, and accusation being thrown around on social media and in person.

Christian, let me remind you: God's Got This! Yes, even THIS. He is sovereign, and however our political future is shaped, He is in charge. Remember that He allowed the Babylonians to destroy Jerusalem and carry away His people! And then He redeemed them. He knows the outcome of every single thing we worry about. 

I'm not saying that we shouldn't care about what's happening in our country. The Bible tells us to be involved in the world (but not of the world). We should care and work for our beliefs and values. But we shouldn't fear what is to come! 

We can rest assured that God in in control and the outcome will be His. No matter how things turn out on Election Day. As a recent meme stated, "Don't let the elephants and the donkeys make you forget that you're a child of the lamb!" 

Knowing that God is sovereign and that whatever the outcome of the election, His will is done makes it possible for us to respond with love and concern to those whose ideas differ from ours. I know there are some citizens out there who choose not to engage with people with specific beliefs; I respect that, but it doesn't mean that we can't have basic human decency toward those people. Calling others hateful names, damaging their property or bodies, these are things that are against what the Bible expresses. We can disengage with others without being hateful. 

God's Got This. However the election turns out, God is in control and we can trust Him to take the outcome and somehow make it His. 

What I Have Gained...

 A comment from an atheist friend really struck me; they referred to a "pretend god" and "wishful thinking" as they mentioned faith. I didn't confront them about their thoughts (we've had that conversation before), but it really got me thinking. I remember being asked by a non-Christian friend a long time ago, "Don't you see what you're missing?" They meant that my faith was keeping me from having "good" things. At the time, I strongly considered they were right. In fact, that was the beginning of my walk away from God for a couple of decades. Thankfully, God is the one who holds us together, not me. He kept his hold on me through those lost years and pulled me back to Himself over time.

What am I losing by having faith? That's what those unbelieving friends are focused on. I was losing out on having fun, on rational thought, on reality! The trap of "missing out" has led many young Christians astray, like it did me. 

Today, when I think about what I'm losing through my faith, different things come to mind. Through faith, I have lost fear, anxiety, aimlessness, anger, unforgiveness, and so much more. I remember when I first started back to church, I felt like an imposter, but God kept urging me to come back. I have gained so very much because I listened to God's call.

Far more important than I have "lost" through my faith in Jesus Christ, is what I have gained. I think the list of fruits of the spirit in Galatians 5:22 is an incredible list of what Christians gain through faith! Indeed, I have gained love beyond all measure. From my husband, from the family that God has created for us, from fellow Christians here in Dulce and elsewhere. 

My joy surpasses all understanding. In the midst of terrible circumstances, I have maintained my Christian joy. Even when I am struggling against the depression which has followed me for most of my life, I feel joy! It's deep and free-flowing in my spirit. 

And peace. There is such peace in my life these days...perhaps I feel it greatly because my life prior to returning to faith was so very anxiety-ridden. God's peace fills my heart and mind; I rarely experience any anxiety or fear anymore. Peace is precious.

I am in great need of patience, kindness, gentleness, and self-control as I raise children in my late 50s. I am a much better parent than I was in my 20s and 30s. I attribute my ability to keep my cool to God's work in my heart. Each day as school begins, I pray for patience, kindness, gentleness, self-control, and wisdom. These gifts from God have been consistently mine as I homeschool.

I thank God for the faith he has given me. When I wander, He pulls me back. When I feel weak in my faith, He claims me. I am blessed beyond measure.

I have "lost" nothing through faith. I have gained much! I pray that as you consider your situation in life, you see much gained by faith as well. If you do not have faith, or if you don't see the gain from faith, pray that God would open your eyes and heart to His reality. It is amazing!

Six Months...Why We are Still Staying Home:

Our family formally started self-quarantining due to COVID-19 on March 10, six months ago today. I wrote about our reasons for self-quarantining the next day. In that post, I estimated that we would be self-quarantining for a couple of weeks and then reassessing. We have reassessed continually for the past six months and each time, we agree that we should continue to stay at home except for essential outings.

Six months in, and I want to address two questions:

     1. How are we doing??

     2. Why are we still self-quarantining??

 Our family is doing great! We have entertained ourselves quite successfully through the pandemic. In June, when our town celebration usually happens, we held our own mini-carnival, complete with homemade funnel cakes and snow cones. In July, we celebrated the Fourth with a backyard waterslide, a shaving cream war, and paint fireworks (there being a ban on all fires and fireworks due to fire danger).

We have learned bike tricks on the driveway, taken several socially-distanced kayak trips, and gone hiking. We have gotten confident in taking the children to a state park just off the reservation where we can kayak and hike without encountering anyone close-up. The kids have gotten good at wearing their masks around their necks or attached to their hats so they can flip them on in a second or two.
 Our backyard ninja line has gotten lots of use, as have our swings and zip line. We really have used this quieter time to spend quality time with our family.





So why are we still self-quarantining? 

Because, really, nothing has changed since March. We are still facing a virus for which almost no one has immunity. The CDC estimates that ten times as many people have had COVID19 as the official positive count. So, as we are officially just over 6,000,000 positive cases, probably 60,000,000 people in the US have had coronavirus. That still leaves approximately 268,000,000 vulnerable people. Yes, really.

We've had about 190,000 deaths from COVID19 in the US. That's about a 0.3% death rate if we use the total estimated case count (60,000,000). Hopefully, as we learn more about how to treat this disease, the death rate will drop. Even so, I don't want to be among the statistics, nor do I want my family among them.

So, we are self-quarantining to protect the hospital systems that serve our area. We are self-quarantining to avoid being a transmission route to our family and our community. We are self-quarantining to be part of the solution.

We are, however, expanding our horizons a bit as time goes on. The hiking and kayaking mentioned above are things we didn't do in the early spring. We have taken the kids to the zoo (COVID-safe practices in place) recently. We even picked up fast food yesterday for the first time! We are simply adding safety measures to these activities: mask-wearing, hand-sanitizing, etc.

We aren't, though, traveling to see our extended families at this time. We miss them and love them a lot! But we don't want to bring this disease to our 80+ year old parents, nor do we want to contract it from our less-quarantined grandchildren. So for now, we are mostly staying home. And we don't regret it a bit!

Predictable, Perfunctory, or Profound?

The Christian life is a journey. We are not in the same place as our friends, family, or Christian brothers and sisters. But we are all on the journey, and we can all  benefit from asking this question of our Christian habits, our Christian practices, our Christian motion: Is this predictable, perfunctory, or profound?

It's really easy to let prayer, church, Bible-reading, and other Christian habits turn into superficial practices. I am reading the Bible online with a Bible-reading plan that is supposed to keep me on track. I like the Bible-reading plan on the YouVersion Bible app, and I've been reading the plan for two and a half years. I will be done reading the entire Bible by the beginning of 2021.

Sounds good, right?

Except....

I realized a couple of weeks ago that I was speeding through the Bible reading to get done. My goal was to finish for the day. I wanted to check it off my list. My reading of God's Word, the Word of God Himself, had turned into a perfunctory task to complete before my day began. Not the way to treat God's Holy Word.

Prayer is another of my daily Christian practices. I pray with my kids. I pray with my whole family. I pray with my husband. I pray by myself. We've been trying to encourage our kids to think about what they are praying. Not to simply repeat their typical, "Thank-you-God-for-the-food. Hope-we-have-a-wonderful-day." It's easy to let our prayers become predictable, repetitive, and thought-less. Not the way to talk to our Holy God, our Lord and Savior.


Church in the time of a pandemic is an interesting proposition. It isn't very predictable, is it? My husband purposefully keeps his preaching from being perfunctory, but as a listener, it is easy to let the words go into one ear and out the other. The same thing is true of Christian music, it's easy to let the music play away without listening to the depth of the words. Without engaging. Without processing.

I've been mulling my own Christian practices and habits lately (obviously). I've tried a few different things to wake myself up to the words of the songs, the sermons, and the Word. Sometimes, my techniques helped...sometimes they didn't. I found one thing that did make a difference, though.

Every.

Single.

Time.

That was prayer, asking God to make this experience profound. I just ask God to take my prayer time and make it meaningful. I pray that the online church service will change me to be more like Jesus. I pray that my reading of the Bible would affect my heart, my life. I lift up my desire for this experience to be more than predictable and perfunctory! I ask God to use my time to bring me profound change.

Try it. It's amazing.

Where is God in This Pandemic??!

 When bad things happen, and there have sure been a lot of them lately, it is natural for people to wonder, "And just where was God when such-and-such happened?!" This question is usually uttered with indignation, because after all, if God were around, He certainly wouldn't have allowed this!

But God does allow bad things. Clearly, many times in the Bible, God allows trouble to come to His people. In John 16:33, Jesus says, "I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world!" It can't get much clearer than that: Trouble comes to God's people.

The Bible addresses the world's troubles frequently in the Psalms and elsewhere. For example, Psalm 10:1 asks, "Why do you hide yourself in times of trouble?" But at the end of the same Psalm (verses 17-18) the Psalmist ends with, "You, Lord, hear the desire of the afflicted; you encourage them, and you listen to their cry, defending the fatherless and the oppressed..."

So, if God is here during this pandemic, why can't we see Him? There is so much hate and anger and name-calling, etc. Where is God??!!


Where. Is. God.


He is in the hands and feet of those who are helping.


God is in the congregation of Connections Church in the Denver, CO, area. The people there gathered VBS materials for us and shipped them to us. They provided snacks, lessons, crafts, and more to the children and youth here in Dulce last month. More than 60 kids here received a VBS-to-go bag of materials  to use during our recent Stay-at-Home orders from the tribe. Our own children and teen participated and found the activities very meaningful and fun.


God is in the hearts and minds of those people here on the reservation who have donated and packed and delivered food and cleaning supplies to the Jicarilla elders and others in need. There have literally been tribal members who have volunteered hours of time to receive, organize and deliver needed supplies. There have also been donations from the state of New Mexico and others off the reservation to provide for the Jicarilla people during our lockdown. God's provision for us all has been astonishing!


God has also generously provided many masks for our family to give to our community. He has moved individuals and entire congregations to make masks for donation to the Jicarilla Apache people. We are even receiving some individually wrapped disposable masks to put into the boxes for elders and others, as well as for visitors to our home who prefer disposable masks. We continue to provide food for anyone who asks at our door. Being able to give masks to these folks adds a measure of safety for us and them.

No matter where we look, there are people helping and serving in the name of Jesus. That's where God is in this pandemic. Right there. Look around to see the work that Jesus is inspiring and directing. And if you don't see anybody helping and serving, look for a way you could help or serve.

Be the hands and feet of Jesus in this world of pandemic.

Loneliness in a Pandemic

With three kids in the house, I rarely feel lonely. Their antics keep me involved in many activities each day, and I love it! We've been home with very few exceptions since March 10, 2020. 144 days with almost zero alone-time...I haven't felt lonely much.

But I've been noticing in my newsfeed on Facebook that a lot of people are feeling lonely. And I have to admit that I've been craving some friend-time that I'm missing.

Whether you're alone at home or in a crowded household, loneliness can creep in. Or a craving for a specific type of connection. I love my kids! And I am really missing my friends and family. We're all getting weary of the caution with which we are living right now.

The other day, I found myself giving our teenager some advice I received from my mom many years ago: If you need a friend, look for someone who needs a friend.

I think the same advice goes for loneliness in a pandemic: If you feel lonely, look for someone else who needs connection. 

Jesus tells us to love our neighbors, so look for "the least of these." Think of the widows you know. Those alone in their homes. Those afraid of the coronavirus. Those single adults who are raising children in a pandemic alone. Those ill with COVID-19. Look around and find those who are in need of connection.

Then connect. Call them. Write a letter. Make an art project and send it to them. Send them some popcorn or a puzzle made from a picture of you together. Connect.

And connect with Jesus. The Bible says "God is with us" at least sixteen times (depending on translation, and I don't claim to have found each example)!  “God is with you in everything you do."  Genesis 21:22b  "The Lord Almighty is with us; the God of Jacob is our fortress." Psalm 46:7

There is never a time when God is not with us! Even if all your human connections are absent for the moment, there is always God. He is our strength and refuge. He is a very present help in times of trouble. He will never fail us!

So if you're feeling lonely, reach out to the Rock of our Salvation! Reach out to your loved ones! Reach out to your neighbors! You will conquer the loneliness of a pandemic for many if you do.

Spinning

Everywhere I look these days, it seems like things are spinning out of control. Coronavirus. Masks/No Masks. Racial Justice. So many people are so loud. So convinced that they alone are right. So determined to force the opinions to which they so strongly adhere.

I've been spinning a lot lately, too. Literally. For whatever reason, mild vertigo has become my companion. I hate it. I hate standing up to a world that is spinning, in which I have no balance! My balance has been affected greatly, and it's awful.

My walk this morning was cut short due to the spinning of my world. I despise not being able to keep my body in good working shape. A decade ago, I swam a couple miles, rode my bike several miles, and walked a couple of miles every day. My body felt strong and competent. Not anymore.

In all of this spinning, all of these things outside my control, I know I am not alone. I know others have worse physical conditions. I know others are puzzling their way through our chaotic world. I know that reality is spinning in so many unexpected ways. It's getting us all off-balance.

So what do we do? How do we manage these chaotic out-of-control events. How do we stay balanced in an ever-spinning world? Are we to simply fall down?

Well, this morning when I stood up too fast for my vertigo, I started to fall. Then I reached out to find something stable, something still. I found a coffee table with my hands and quickly sat down on it. I simply sat there until the chaos in my vestibular system settled down and I wasn't dizzy anymore.

So, Christian, what should you do to regain your balance? When the world is whirling uncontrollably with COVID, opinions, violence, or fear, what can you do?

Hold fast to your foundation. Reach out to your faith: pray, read your Bible, listen to Christian music, talk with your pastor or a trusted Christian sister. When you reach for something stable, you can rest in it for long enough to regain your balance. After you rest, the chaos will be more manageable.

This world is spinning at an incredible rate, with much confusing noise. Regain your balance. Stop. Slow. Reach for trusted faith resources. Rest.

Rest.

Amen.

Sonflowers

The sunflowers are blooming in New Mexico. These sunflowers are slightly different from the Midwest's sunflowers. In the Midwest, sunflowers are tall, straight, and have one giant bloom on top. In the Southwest, sunflowers grow on lower, multi-stemmed plants with multiple blooms. The Jicarilla say that the height of the sunflowers equals the height of the snow in the upcoming winter.

One thing that all the sunflowers I've ever seen do is to turn their blossoms toward the sun throughout the day. In the morning, the blossoms all face east; in the evening, west. It's amazing to watch a field of sunflowers on time lapse (here)!

As we've proceeded through this pandemic and racial upheaval in the past few months, I've often wondered what good I can do in this situation. And sometimes, I've been downhearted, as I'm sure most of you have, also.

On yesterday's morning walk, I saw the first sunflower blooms and they made me smile. They were bent to the sun, leaning into that warmth and energy with all their being. The buds were just splitting on some of the flowers, but even they were reaching for the sun.

Christians, this is what we need to do in this troubled time. And in every time. Lean into the Son. Reach toward Jesus with all your being. Soak up His energy, His warmth, His love, His guidance. Read His word. Sing songs to praise Him. Look Sonward.

Be a Sonflower.

High Stakes

Most of you know that our family was built by God. He has a wonderful sense of humor! When we married, we were empty nesters in our late 40s and early 50s. We didn't expect to raise any more children. We were done being in-house parents.

Then came a phone call from our granddaughter's social worker. (We didn't even know she had one!) The social worker asked us to consider taking our 2 year old granddaughter as a foster child, with the possibility of adopting her. We felt too old. We were assured we were not. We felt too busy, but we weren't.

We prayed. She came. She stayed. Forever. It's been a delight to raise her to her teen years! We look forward to the short time we have left with her in our home as a minor. She is a wonderful young adult, and I love the fact that I get to be her grandma-mom forever!

About three years ago, our granddaughter was getting old enough we could leave her alone for short periods of time. It was such a joy to be able to go out running and walking together as a couple! We relished the growing independence for her and for us.

Then came a phone call. Asking us if we would take two tiny Apache boys "for a few days" so that the social worker here could find a Jicarilla family to take them longer term. We reminded the social worker that we were white. They said it's okay. We reminded the social worker that we were old (in our 50s for real, now). They said it was fine.

We prayed. They came. They stayed. Forever. We did not anticipate raising kids more than 50 years younger than we are, but God has called us to this. He will give us the endurance and wisdom to do it for Him.

Today, in the midst of the COVID-19 pandemic, with the tribe having a more than 300% increase in cases in the past couple of weeks, the tribal president sent out a memo to the community. In it, the consequences for Native Americans breaking the health orders was laid out. And so were the consequences for Non-Native Americans (us, minus the boys): Immediate expulsion from the reservation.

I totally agree with these consequences. The Jicarilla Apache have suffered from diseases brought by outsiders, and they deserve to protect their people and their land. I have no hesitations about their rights or reasons to make the consequences so dire. And I intend to follow every letter of this order.

But my heart is in my stomach because the stakes are so very high. If we disobey the health orders, even accidentally, the tribe has every right to remove us from their land. We have heard stories of occasional white people getting kicked off the rez. We have always been law-abiding guests of the Jicarilla, recognizing our status as guests.

The knots in my stomach come from what would happen to the boys, now 5 and 7, if we were excluded from the reservation. They are technically wards of the court (the Jicarilla court), and if we were told to leave, it would most likely be without the boys. Requiring them to move to yet another home. Which we've promised we would not do to them, if it is within our power.

High Stakes.

But not as high as the stakes in having faith in Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior. Those are forever high stakes. Those are eternal high stakes. If my stomach is in knots at the thought of messing up and having to leave two of our children behind, my stomach should be in complete flip-flops when I consider my faith in Jesus Christ, or my children's faith in Jesus Christ.

But my stomach isn't flip-flopping over faith. Is it because I don't care???

No! Absolutely not. I care very much. But, while following the health orders on the reservation is something I have to do on my own (and my family has to do each on his/her own), faith is a gift of God. Look at Ephesians 2:8! "For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith--and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God."

God is doing the heavy-lifting in faith. He gives faith to me. I can depend on him. His faithfulness to me is eternal and supreme. There is no need for anxiety about faith. About grace. About whether I'm measuring up.

Thank God!

I Challenge You, Two.

Christian, what is God's greatest commandment?

To love the Lord, your God, with all your heart, with all your mind, with all your strength. And the second is like it: Love your neighbor as yourself. I doubt that any Christian would ever question the first commandment. I think every Christian would agree that we are to love God. Wholeheartedly. Forever. And I believe that most Christians would say they love their neighbors. They donate. They volunteer. They contribute. But I want you, Christian Brother or Sister, to take a deeper look.

The exact words of this commandment from the Bible (from three different translations) are:

          "A second is equally important: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'" (NLT)
          "And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself." (KJV)
          "And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'" (NIV)

My challenge is this: Are there any qualifications as to which neighbor you are supposed to love?

I see none. I see no exceptions to "love thy neighbor." Do you? There is nothing in the commandment that indicates we should hate our transsexual neighbor, our Black neighbor, our White neighbor, our gay neighbor, or any other neighbor. I see no indication that we should only love our neighbors who live like we do, think like we do, or act like we do. None. Do you?

When Jesus spoke these words, he gave no qualifiers. If the God of the universe says we are to love our neighbor and doesn't limit which neighbor to love, how on earth can we humans justify limiting which neighbors we love? People do not have to pass a theological litmus test to be our neighbors, to be loved! That's what God says: Love every neighbor.

What about those with whom we disagree? Do we have to love them?  Of course we do. Jesus said to love our neighbor. No qualifiers. None. So, yes, we have to love those on the opposing sides of disagreements. Loving them doesn't mean agreeing with them. This is the greatest piece of my challenge to you, Christian.

God hates sin. Jesus hated the sin he saw in his neighbors that He loved. But Jesus loved the sinners. God has very clear boundaries about sin, and He hates every border crossing that we make. But Jesus Himself is proof to His followers that God loves the sinners. Romans 5:8 makes this crystal clear: "...but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us."

So, Christian, I challenge you to dig deep into yourself and ask if you are behaving in a loving way to your neighbors. All of your neighbors. Are you loving your neighbors who demonstrate your pet peeve of sins? Are you loving your neighbors without exception? It is not our job to judge, it is our job to love.

So, love, Christian, love. Love deeply, completely, generously, and without exception. And when you have a conflict with someone, disagree with love. Treat your opponent with love. Respond with love. Not agreement. Not conciliation without regard to your own beliefs. But with love because that's what Jesus told us to do.

This Broken World

I would be surprised if we could find anyone in the entire world today that would disagree with this: The world has lots of problems. As a Christian, I call the world broken. From coronavirus and quarantines to the murders of George Floyd and Breonna Taylor to the destruction of property and rain forests, this world is a mess. 

The broken world is one I love. I love its mountains and oceans, its human and animal inhabitants. All of which I am somewhat cut-off from right now. We should be preparing for a long-awaited visit from cousins this month, but these visits have been canceled due to coronavirus precautions. Next month, we were supposed to go back to the Midwest to see our parents, some of our siblings, our children, and our grandchildren. Canceled.

We usually are hiking and kayaking at least once a week by now, but Colorado has put limitations on their open space and the tribe has asked us not to travel off-reservation except for essential business. Our teenager, instead of hanging out with her friends at NYPUM (National Youth Project Using Motorcycles), is hanging out at home with her family. Our little guys are not participating in the Jicarilla Department of Youth programs, learning their language and culture with their friends; instead they are playing in their yard (which is awesome with a ninja warrior obstacle course, tons of space to ride their bikes, and sprinklers to keep them cool).

This world is broken in the best of times. It is certainly shattered right now. So what do we do? What does a Christian do in a broken world? 

The same thing Christians do in all times: Speak Life. 

We speak to God's goodness and power and grace. God has provided for our family in so many ways! We have joyfully received donations of food and drink. We have been blessed with enough money to pay for the more-expensive groceries. Our children are all handling quarantine with grace. It's not easy, but they are finding happiness in our everyday experiences.

We speak faithfully of God's provision. We tell others about how worried we were for our mission partners in India. They have over 30 people in their household right now, including orphans and Bible teachers! The coronavirus cases are exploding in their area, so they are mostly staying inside. We talk about how we've prayed for their food needs...feeding 30 people is no easy task, especially when shortages of all foodstuffs have raised prices to double and triple normal costs. And then we receive some "extra" money from the government or from skype-tutoring and are able to send our tithe to India to help feed this mission group. 

We reach out to those in our own backyard. There are many people who walk through the church property to reach other parts of town here in Dulce. We have always prayed for/with these people. We frequently have provided meals for these neighbors. And we continue to do these things. A friend (knowing that we do these things) recently sent over 40 cloth masks for us to give away. So when someone knocks at the door requesting a meal, we can provide a mask for them to wear to protect others (including us) from disease. We put together some food and drink for those who are hungry, and then we pray together (6 feet apart) before they leave. 

We reach out to those farther away. All of our friends and relatives are in this same broken world as we are. Some of them are struggling with the isolation of coronavirus and some are struggling with the pain of repeated violence toward Black lives. Our black and brown friends and family are suffering from anxiety and depression at much higher rates since George Floyd's murder and the ensuing protests. We can text our farther-away friends and family to encourage them. We can telephone them to check in. We can have something caring delivered to them. We can mail them cards, drawings, photos, etc. We can reach out on social media to uplift. We can pray for them regularly. 

We are not helpless. Our help comes from the Lord! He is never without power. His grace is unending. His love overflows our need. He will provide. Always. In all ways. 

Let me say that again.

He will provide.

Always.

In all ways.

Amen. 

#sitwiththis

I recently read this question asked of Black leaders in a forum:  Do Black people get sunburned? As the mom of two Black children I had some experience in this area, but I chose to keep my thoughts to myself and listen. I am learning that this is the very best way to learn from people way more informed and experienced than myself. 

I mean, think about it...who would you ask if Black people can get sunburned: White people or Black people? It's a no-brainer, right? 

Then why won't you listen to Black people about racism? Specifically about whether racism is happening frequently in 2020.  Aren't they the ones who would have the experience and knowledge to tell whether racism is alive and well in 2020? Aren't people of color the experts? 

No? How on earth can you claim to know more about racism and whether it's happening right now than people who receive racism?! 

And yet, that's what I see so many White people claiming: 

"There is no racism today." 

"Racism is dead; Black people keep dredging it up." 

"Stop claiming racism about everything!" 

"Racism is getting worse because Black people keep pushing it."

"I'm appalled at the murder of George Floyd, but I see no evidence it was racist."

"I understand why Black people are mad, but they should stop rioting."

And on and on.

White people: You are NOT the experts in racism. Black and Brown people are. Stop talking over them. Stop questioning their perceptions. Just stop.

And listen.

Listen to Colin Kaepernick's peaceful, quiet kneel.

Listen to Shaun King's social media posts.

Listen to Michelle Alexander and Ibram X. Kendi in their books about race.

Listen to Bryan Stevenson's TED Talk, "We Need to Talk About an Injustice." 

Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. called riots "the voice of the unheard." White America needs to make Black America heard. White America needs to stop talking over Black America and listen. Really listen. Stop telling Black people that their experiences aren't really what they say they are. Stop telling Black people that they're saying it wrong. Stop telling Black people that you're not racist; instead tell them what you're doing to be anti-racist. After you listen.

Listen to the experts on racism: Black Americans. Brown Americans. 

If we White Americans do not truly listen to Black and Brown Americans right now, there will be more riots. More anger. More hatred. I do not recommend rioting, but I do understand it. I support those who are doing it because no one is listening to their long list of grievances. Below is a diagram for you to explore to see if you yourself contribute to those grievances. Take some time to explore it and your own behavior.

When someone is being hurt repeatedly by another, we encourage politely telling the aggressor to stop. If they don't, we tell people to say it stronger. And if the perpetrator continues, we give permission to hit back. I mean, seriously folks, isn't that what you've told your kids??? If the bully won't listen to your words, your strong, powerful words, you can hit them back. Stand your ground even puts it into law. Talk. Talk strongly. Hit back.

Start listening, White America. Seek Black voices and listen.

Please.

78 Days in Self-Quarantine

We've been "staying at home" for 78 days now. For 78 days our children have gone absolutely nowhere out of our own house or yard. They have seen almost no one beyond our immediate household. Our teenager has been out exactly twice: once she sat in the car while I got some supplies; the second time, she was allowed in the store with me as long as she didn't touch anything. We've been wearing face masks when in the presence of anyone outside our household. Brad has gone out to visit congregants three times, I believe. He's done one burial service, outside and with only three mourners (beyond himself). Each time he's gone out, he has worn a face-covering and stayed at least six feet apart. Three times now, we have had some Christian friends bring us food. This has been a huge blessing! We are very grateful for the surprise and the food.

I know we're not the only family self-isolating. Your story may look a lot like ours, or yours may be one of the areas that are "opening up" and your family is more on the go than ours. As I wrote in my first coronavirus post, there are many reasons why we have chosen self-quarantine. Those are the very same reasons why we are continuing to self-quarantine. Read our reasons here.

On March 10, the day our family went into isolation, the CDC reported 25 total COVID deaths in the USA. Today, 78 days later, the CDC is reporting more than 98,000 COVID deaths in the United States. That's more than 1250 deaths on an average day. And according to many public health officials, this sobering total is likely much higher. I think as time goes on, we will have a more accurate count, and whether that is higher or lower than the current totals, it is staggering.

Our family has had some very good experiences during this lockdown. We have cooked together a lot; my children are all learning how to work in the kitchen. We've played games with friends via Skype. We are learning to "make do" with what we have, as we have eliminated all trips away from home to about once weekly for the post office and once monthly for the grocery store. Yes, really; that's it. We have spent lots of time together on our ninja line obstacle course outside and playing board games inside. Our teenager has invited the little guys to a monthly "sleepover" in the living room, complete with snacks she bakes and other treats. That has led our smaller children to have almost-weekly "sleepovers" with each other in their own bedrooms.

In addition, we worship together in our kitchen each Sunday. We've developed new traditions around birthdays: video-singing and personal birthday cakes. We're growing our abilities to work together and give grace to one another. We're done with pre-kindergarten, first grade, and seventh grade in our homeschool. Everyone is finishing up their last little bits, and we're playing lots of educational games in "summer school." For the first time, the teenager isn't in "summer school," she's doing some review on her own!

As we look ahead, we are anticipating a completely different summer and fall than usual. Our annual trip back to the Midwest is on hold for now. Our teen's switch to public school is on hold (who knows if open enrollment will even be possible in the times of COVID). Swimming, kayaking, hiking, and more is waiting on the okay from the tribe, and on our own comfort levels.

But we're not dismayed. (Well, maybe the teen is occasionally dismayed.) We have been investing in backyard play equipment to make it more fun to be home. We're waiting for the summer heat so we can blow up our pool and add it to the backyard fun. We're continuing the work of praying, feeding the hungry, passing out masks (thanks to some wonderful supporters around the country), and more. We're even developing a Virtual VBS for the kids here!

We are very blessed that our jobs and lives allow us to continue to work and be happy from home. We are not suffering from quarantine, as I know some families are. If we can provide support of some kind for your family, please let me know via email at robinlynnekautz@gmail.com. We're all in this together, and we can all make it if we support one another!

A Visit From the Past

I have fought depression my whole life. I grew up in a home with two depressed parents who didn't seek help until they divorced and I was out of the house. I know depression from the perspective of a child trying to hold her parent together. As an adult, I realized that I, too, was suffering from depression. I sought medical help and was put on amazing medication that has made my life balanced, for the most part.

About six months ago, I had a second near-death asthma attack. My pulmonologist put me on a new medication for allergic asthma. It has been a miracle cure for my asthma, however, a side-effect is depression. And either that or the coronavirus stress has triggered several depressive episodes in the past couple of months.

I recognize that I spent most of my childhood fighting this disease. The anxiety to make any decisions, the fear of what someone with think/say, the constant gloom over my thoughts, especially about the future. The familiarity of these things is not a comfort. Almost all  of the past 20 years has been free from these and other depressed thoughts. I prefer that!

Whether it is my medication or our worldwide pandemic, I cannot escape the circumstances of my current depression. My medication is a life-or-death deal with my asthma. Covid-19 isn't something anyone can escape, at this point. So what do I do?

I could call my doctor and try a different anti-depressant. I already asked her to increase my dose of the current medication, and that has helped. I really don't want to increase it again or switch meds, but I certainly will if I don't get relief another way.

Another way.

What else is there? What can we do if we are facing depression or anxiety? Even if it's not of the clinical sort...

Eat well. Eat the right things. Avoid the sugar. Give your body good stuff to work with. Along with that: Exercise. Get moving. Multiple times per day if possible. Walk. Ride. Run. Climb. Swing. Spin. Stretch. If your body has the right building blocks for health, you will be healthier, including mentally.

Get outside. Get out in the sunshine. The shade. The mountains. The oceans. The yard. Under the tree with a book. On a chair, snoozing. Watch the birds. The squirrels.  Being outside is good for our bodies and brains.

Sing. Anything. With anyone. Online. In the shower. To your babies. To your cats or dogs. Even your turtles! Sing songs you love and sing songs you're learning.

Listen to music that makes your heart pound.

Draw, paint, write, or sculpt. It doesn't matter if you have a significant talent! Just the act of creating is positive and pleasant.

Write letters. Make phone calls. Text your friends. Message your family. Stay in contact. Being in communication with other humans will help your spirits.

Pray. Meditate. Do yoga. Or martial arts. Whatever lowers your heartbeat and calms your mind.

Read your Bible. Do devotions. Pray with your household. Or by yourself. Or with an online friend. Or on the phone with your parents. Seeking God and asking Him to intervene in our depressed states is productive.

Reach out to your medical provider. Telehealth is gaining in popularity. I didn't have to actually go to my doctor's office to increase my medication. But even if you have to go, medication can be a lifesaver. It has been for one of my parents and for myself. Don't be afraid to ask for help.

I'm praying for the whole world right now. Especially those without easy access to water, food, and other necessities. And especially for those struggling with mental health during this pandemic. If you are doing fine, will you join me in prayer?

Making Bricks

For several weeks, I have been curious about a project one of our Jicarilla Apache neighbors is undertaking in their yard. It has involved ladder-like frames such as the ones above, a large, hanging wooden-framed sifter with a screen bottom, and lots of digging. Out of respect for the Native family doing this project, I have no pictures of the actual project.

This morning on our walk, my daughter and I walked by this neighbor's house and glanced to see if the project had revealed itself yet. I still have no idea what the final project will be, but I do now know that the frames above are for making adobe bricks.

Yep. Bricks.

Handmade. Adobe.

The growing pile of bricks is impressive. I can't wait to see the final product! And now that I know they're making bricks, all the activity makes sense. Sifting the soil to remove rocks. Building the frames. Mixing water into the mud and filling the frames. Do we live in a cool place, or what?

As my daughter and I talked about the brick-making project, both of us recalled "Cowboy George" and his stories about Moses in VBS a couple of years ago. He was telling the kids about how the Israelites lived as slaves in Egypt for 400 years.

He would ask the kids, "What did the Israelites do on Mondays?"

The kids would shout, "Make Bricks!"

"What did the Israelites do on Tuesdays?"

"Make Bricks!"

"Wednesdays?"

"Make Bricks!"

And so on.

I imagine brick-making (then and now) to be a hot, dusty, dirty, exhausting activity. And like I said, I have no idea what the final product will be for my neighbors' endeavors. I'm sure it will be worth the effort!

I'll bet the Israelites had no idea what their bricks would be used for as they slaved away. And perhaps the majority of Israelites had a different duty.

At any rate, I think making bricks is a great analogy for the Christian life right now. We are not having live church services, prayer meetings, youth groups, Bible studies, or any other standard pastoral ministry. My husband is recording messages and posting links to songs and liturgy. He is contacting our congregation members to check in with them. We are providing food, prayer, and even a place to pitch a tent in the church property to those who wander by. Thankful to a few friends, we will soon be passing out cloth face masks to any and all who need them.

But it doesn't feel like much in the way of service right now. Our typical ways of serving God here are not happening due to COVID-19 restrictions from the tribe and the state... and our own desire not to be the seeding event that brought an outbreak to the reservation.

So what can a Christian do?

Make bricks.

Praise God. Praise Him for the water you drink, home you live in, food you eat, people you love, animals you love, beauty surrounding you, His love and redemption, and on and on...

Make bricks.

Serve Him. Give food to the hungry, make masks and give them away, put bottles of water outside your house for those passing by in need, buy an extra bag of potatoes and drop them on the porch of a neighbor, take dinner to the local hospital or care home, mow the church lawn, and on and on...

Make bricks.

Pray. Pray for health, pray for safety for the health care workers, pray for unity in our country, pray for your loved ones, pray for yourself, pray for your church, pray for peace in the world, pray for peace in your soul, pray for the elderly, pray for the babies, pray for those whose world will never be the same, pray for the more than 87,000 families who have lost loved ones in the United States, and on and on...

Make bricks.

Listen to Christian songs (like this one by Rhett Walker) that raise your soul, read your Bible, do an online Bible study (I study with faraway friends via the YouVersion Bible app), use online devotionals (like this one by Words of Hope), and on and on...

Make bricks, Christians, make bricks.

I Challenge You.

This post is directly aimed toward my white friends and family. I make no apologies for that. It is necessary. It is time. It is past time... It is WAYYYYY past time...

I have addressed racism in this blog before. I have named black men and women, boys and girls, who have been slaughtered because a police officer thought them dangerous. Or a "neighbor" didn't recognize them. Or they were jogging while black. Or... Or... Or...

It is time, white people, to move beyond your "color-blind" attitude. I had a black acquaintance recently ask me, "If someone said, 'I don't see your gender. I don't see you as a woman at all; you're just like everyone else,' would you feel like they knew you? Understood you? Or would you feel like they were ripping a piece of your identity away? Like they were ignoring a big part of who you are?" I already knew that "being color blind" was offensive to many black and brown people, but I hadn't really internalized it until I thought about that. Being a woman is a large part of who I am, how I see myself. Robbing me of that part of my identity would absolutely hurt me. And it hurts black people when anyone strips them of their black identity.

So, no more "color blindness." It's false. It's hurtful. It's racist.

Yes. Racist.

It is time, white people, to step out and accept that we all, all, hold racist thoughts and beliefs. It's time to stop pretending and start self-examining. I have lived as a white minority in a black majority country. I have lived as a white minority in an indigenous community. I raised two black children in small-town Iowa. And none of that has eliminated my racial biases completely. I purposefully include people in my life who challenge my thinking in many ways, including race.

We, white people, need to stop avoiding the topic of race. It is not racist to talk about race or to notice race. It is racist to pretend that race doesn't exist. It is racist to pretend that you think of all people in absolutely equal terms. It is simply avoiding our own biases!

It is time, white people, to go beyond, "I'm not racist" to "I'm anti-racist."

Stop seeing this as "all in their heads" or "It's only a few racists." Stop saying, "I'm colorblind." Stop saying, "That's old news. Things are better now."

Just stop all the excuses and rationalizations.

Speak up. Stand up. Get up!

Maybe you wouldn't have tried to take Rosa Parks' seat. Maybe you wouldn't have attacked Ahmaud Arbery. Maybe you have never used a racial slur in your life. Maybe you've never held your purse a little tighter when the black man got on the bus.

But it's time to go beyond that. Be anti-racist.

Anti-racism means fighting against racism. Taking a stand in public when a racist  individual utters a slur. Stopping your coworker when they start a racist joke. Listening to the persons of color around you and bringing up institutional practices that foster white privilege or short-change blacks. And actively trying to understand structural racism, to dismantle it.

This will not be easy.

This will not be simple.

This will not be comfortable.

Too bad, white people, too bad. It is time to be uncomfortable to make room for the comfort of persons of color. It is time to take on the complex issues of institutional and structural racism. 

It is time, white people, to use your privilege to leverage justice for our black and brown neighbors.

Now.

Glass Artist

If you've been reading my blog from the beginning, you know that I started this project when I was a stained glass artist. I gave that up for multiple reasons several years ago, but I still think like a glass artist often. Glass, its colors and textures, brings me breathtaking joy!

This morning on my walk in the beautiful Jicarilla Apache Nation, I found a different sort of glass which brought a different sort of thoughts. It was curved upward and very sharp. I picked it up because I didn't want any barefoot children to step on it.

When I see or pick up broken glass like this on the reservation, I pray for the person who dropped it. I pray for their circumstances and their life and their faith.

You see, underlying the entrenched problems with alcohol and drugs on the reservation is the trauma that drives people to drink. I've failed for years to express this adequately, but I think, today, I know how.

Like our entire world right now, the people here have an enormous amount of collective trauma. Like all of us in the COVID-19 crisis, they have watched death over and over. Like everyone on earth today, they have feared when (not if) it will be their turn to experience misery, loss, and terror.

We have lived with the coronavirus for a few months. The Jicarilla Apache and other Indigenous Americans have lived with trauma for centuries. I'm going to tell you some stories, told to me by people I personally know. I am changing some identifying information to protect the people I know and love, but each of these stories is absolutely true, to the best of my ability to verify.

I know a man who was told by his grandmother the story of the US Army chasing the Jicarilla Apache in the 1800s because the tribe had left the reservation to return to their homelands. When the army caught up with the tribe, the women and children (including the man's grandmother) had scrambled up on top of a huge boulder. They watched while the men of the tribe were slaughtered.

I know middle-aged men and women who tell about their childhoods in the boarding school. Some speak of the safety they felt there, and others remember being forcibly held down while their sacred braids were shorn or having their mouths cleaned with soap because they spoke their native language.

I know a woman who had her uterus removed after her third child, because it was US government policy to sterilize Indigenous women! She did not consent to this operation, as she was lied to about her condition because the government told doctors to lie.

I know a family who has buried every single one of their children. Every. One. Another family has held funerals for all but one of their children. This is not unusual here. Can you imagine the pain? Another family buried two young men, cousins, in less than a month. When we lost our granddaughter five years ago, we sat in a Bible study and talked, realizing that every single one of the adults in the study had buried a child or grandchild.

I know many children who are being raised by their grandparents because their parents are either dead or dysfunctional. I know grandparents who are raising grandchildren from multiple families for the same reasons. I know children who have lost both parents within a year from alcohol abuse or suicide. I know a woman whose daughter committed suicide and her ten-year-old grandson found his mother hanging from the rafters. The trauma is passed from generation to generation.

If I can feel overwhelmed and depressed about the climbing death toll (of people I don't even know) of a disease, how much more can a Native American feel overwhelmed and depressed about the climbing death toll in their own tribe, of their relatives and friends?! My husband has done more than 65 funerals in six and a half years. Only a few have been for people who died in old age of natural causes.

If we, as a nation, can suffer shock as we go through this pandemic, how much more shock can a tribe of 4,000 experience when scores of young people die from alcohol abuse, drug abuse, suicide, murder, and accidents over the course of six years?!

If we can be afraid of a disease that has a small chance of killing us or someone we love, how much more fear must a member of the Jicarilla Apache Nation have that their children, spouse, or grandchildren will succumb to the pandemic of grief and pain that surrounds them?

Take your weakest moment in this pandemic and multiply it by tens or hundreds...imagine if you knew or knew of  half or more of the dead. Then, you might begin to comprehend the trauma here and elsewhere among Native peoples. I've been here more than six years, and I am only barely beginning to understand the depth of despair...and the depth of the joy among the Jicarilla Apache. For there is great joy here, also! Joy in family, joy in culture, joy in life, joy in community!

My purpose today was not to give a complete picture of the culture here, but to help outsiders understand the collective trauma here that so desperately needs the hope of Jesus Christ. Please know that there is deep joy here, a beauty beyond the landscape, fierce love for family and community and tribe, and much good.

Returning to the trauma...

Where is our hope when faced with trauma like COVID-19 or the collective traumas of indigenous peoples?  Our hope is in the Lord (Psalm 39:7, among others). When we feel like we're sinking, we can reach out for Jesus' hand like Peter did and walk on the water (Matthew 14:22-33). When we see no way forward, we can pray for God to part the sea (Exodus 14). When we are afraid of what is coming for us or our families, we can lean into God's "Fear Not" (Isaiah 41:10).

And that is why we're here. To bring God's Word and Hope to this people. So, to those of you who support this ministry, I hope you understand a bit more of the work here. And to those of you who love us, I hope you understand a bit more of why we serve here. And to those of you who are Jicarilla Apache, I welcome your input into my understanding. I can only speak from a mongaanii point of view, and if I'm off-point, please let me know.

God is the great glass artist, taking broken pieces and putting them together in ways that are beautiful.