Monday, January 16, 2012
It should have all added up to a heap of frustration, but instead God used this process to build my "trustation." I stopped trying to control everything that could go wrong and started trusting that God would provide the insight and ability I needed to complete the piece. I just needed to trust Him.
Of course, the lesson from "Every Feather" didn't apply to just glass work. God was working on me for my LIFE, not just my art. Getting married again was NOT on my radar. After two divorces (Yes, really. And I'm incredibly embarrassed by it, but refuse to hide my failures.) and a few "serious" dating relationships, I had decided that I would be happy living on my own. That's part of why the challenge of "Every Feather" was welcome.
God had different plans. I like to say God "dropped Brad in my lap," it was so unexpected. Here was a man of faith. Here was a good man. But my fears were almost overwhelming. In my first marriage, my husband had "pulled the wool over my eyes" for more than 15 years! How could I possibly trust that Brad was who he seemed to be?! My second marriage's failure was much quicker and should have been foreseeable, at least in hindsight. How could I trust my own judgment??!!
I confided my fears to Brad, and he suggested we pray about them together. (I know he also prayed about them for me; that's just who he is.) In the process of prayer, over a period of days, my fears disappeared. Our relationship was totally, completely, absolutely different from any I'd ever had. We talked early and often about the kind of marriage we wanted. I realized I needed to stop trying to control everything that could go wrong and start trusting that God would provide the insight and ability to create a good and solid relationship. I just needed to trust Him. Luke 12:24 brought me full circle, back to my glass. If God provides so richly for the birds, how much more will he provide for me. If Brad and I would just trust God to lead us, He would provide whatever we needed to fulfill our marriage vows. And He has. (Even as life has led us into some interesting places.)