Early Morning Grace

For a long time, I have walked in the early morning. For me, it's a good time to walk despite the darkness for most of the year. This year, however, I have been reluctant to walk in the dark because of my broken elbow. I have been using what used to be my swimming time to walk, and it's been good.

Last week, I returned to swimming, if you can call what I'm doing swimming. So today, I returned to walking in the early morning dark. My first impression was, "Wow! It's really dark." With just a bit of fear. I watched the ground in front of me in the moonlight, hoping for stable footing.

Then I looked up.

Oh...my. I'd completely forgotten how beautiful the early morning sky is. How the darkness accentuates the piercing light of the stars and planets. How the sweep of the morning sky takes my breath away in its glory.

I probably looked the fool, standing in my driveway, gaping up with my blinky-lights flashing, but I want to be a fool for this: God's Glory. So I stood there a long while. I wish I could say  Here I am to Worship  was running through my head, but it wasn't. I was simply drinking in God's grace.

How many times is the glory of God Almighty hanging above our heads, just waiting for us to look up? How many times, when we're looking down in fear, is grace surrounding us in anticipation of our attention? An infinite number of times. From an infinitely glorious and grace-giving God.

Look.

Up.

Living in Response

I'm still not doing much glass work, other than repairs, so I don't have any new glass pictures to share. I thought I'd share a few of the photographs I've taken along the way today instead. I definitely love natural beauty, and it frequently inspires my glass designs.

I've also been "off the blog" for a couple of weeks because I was being blocked by the blog host. I sent multiple help requests to the host, but never did receive any aid. I finally followed my wise husband's advice and tried a different browser. Brilliant! I'm back on with no problems.

I've been mulling the concept of living in response to God. My first thoughts contrasted responding to reacting. Totally different experiences! I used to react to my birth father's rejection of me and my family, but I've learned to respond instead. Instead of feeling abandoned, I choose to feel loved by my step-father. I haven't given up praying for or loving my birth father. In fact, I pray for him with more love than I used to; I can't help but feel bad for someone who would reject their own daughter. But I don't waste time feeling sad or wishful about his return. He will return to my life or not, as he chooses. I choose to love him and to love my step-father, both.

Then I tried to think if I'd ever lived in reaction to God, and I don't think I have. So what do I mean when I think/talk about living in response to God? It is the intention that makes the difference. Living in response to God means that I am intentionally looking for God's work and God's grace in my life and in the world around me. And when I see it, I live in ways that acknowledge God's work and God's grace.

So when I see natural beauty and recognize God's hand in its creation, I choose to live in a way that appreciates and sustains that natural world, to the best of my ability. And when I know God's forgiveness for my irritable attitude, I choose to live in a way that also grants grace to those around me. A great example of this is my current peaceful frame of mind when driving. I used to be an antsy, easily upset driver, watching for the "stupidity" of those other drivers. Now, most of the time, I am able to simply slow down and allow the other driver to drive his/her way, without my derision. This may not make much difference to the other drivers, as I've never been a road rager, but it's sure more pleasant for me and my passengers, and a better model for my five-year-old!

And when I read Psalm 66:20 (NIV), its words inspire my deep adoration of God. It says, "Praise be to God, who has not rejected my prayer or withheld his love from me!" The Bible says this for ME???? How can this be? But because I live in response to God, I trust God's word, His promises, God's grace, even for me. I didn't, and CAN'T, start this relationship between God and me. I can only respond when God initiates.  I can only live in response.

So I walk through my days, watching for God's hand in my world. So I lie awake at night, thanking God for His grace extended to me. So I volunteer to help with community meals, to drive someone to the doctor, to watch a dozen two-year-olds, so that my life shows God's work in me, and so that someone else might see God's hand in their life as well.

Starting Over

I started working on glass this week: Celebrate! Except it isn't going exactly as planned. Or maybe...I didn't really have a plan. I just figured I'd "go back to doing glass" just like before.

It's not like before. I feel like I'm making my first cuts again! My left arm is weak and has a hard time steadying the glass for a cut. My cutter works best with two hands, and I can barely hold the glass with my left, so my right hand has to do all the work with the cutter. It's like starting over!!!

I've started over plenty in my life. I was the "new kid at school" multiple times. I taught at 7 schools in my teaching career. I've been divorced twice (ugh!), and married three times. I'm kind of an expert at starting over.

So what do I know about starting over? It's always hard and disconcerting in some ways. Even when it's eagerly anticipated, it's different and therefore difficult in part. It's often painful, which is definitely true this time! I know there's excitement about the possibilities and sorrow over the painful memories.

And I know that God gives us as many "do overs" as we need. He doesn't give up on us when we fail for the third or tenth time. He opens his arms and embraces us with grace. Even me. Even when I really mess up, He allows me to erase it all and begin again, washed clean, blessed. He continues to love me and call me, redeem me and reveal His work in me.

Compared to that grace, my current struggles with my arm are nothing! As frustrating and painful as it is, this is so inconsequential to my life on earth and absolutely infinitesimal to my eternal soul.

So, as I struggle to regain my strength and agility with the glass, I will meditate on God's grace, love, and beauty. Maybe inspiration will hit for a glass design. Definitely I'll catch a glimpse of grace!

Holy

Holy is a word I've been thinking about a lot lately. It's a word we use frequently in church, in song, and in prayer. Holy is certainly a word I think of when I think of God, but I read something recently that made me ponder its meaning anew.

I am reading Gospel-Powered Parenting by William P. Farley. My husband picked it up via Amazon recently, and I snagged it before he started reading it. It has lots of good things to say to me, as a parent to a five-year-old, but in Chapter 4, Farley really challenged my thinking.

To paraphrase, he says that the word holy isn't about being perfect or pure, but about being held apart from everything else, being separate. He states that the opposite of holy isn't evil, which would've been my antonym choice. Instead, the opposite of holy is common.

Doesn't that totally change the connotation?? I've been mulling over it ever since.

I've come to realize that I can't totally throw out the idea of holiness being perfect and pure. Maybe I'm off-base, but it seems that being perfect and pure complements being separate. God is held apart from our common, profane world. He is perfect and pure because he is undefiled by our sin. He cannot be in sin's presence any more than we can be in His perfect and pure presence... without Christ's intervention. 

It's a paradigm shift to think of God's holiness to include being held apart from the world's evil. For me, it emphasizes my desperate need for Christ's intervention on MY behalf. I can't begin to be holy on my own. No way! I can sometimes imagine being somewhat good, but being something other than common is far beyond me. In order to be in God's presence, I must be holy, therefore I must cling to Christ's redemption. All my hope is in Him.

Amen.

Repair Work

Almost two months ago, I took this picture of the repair work I had accumulated. My plan was to go on our European trip and return to fix these pieces. Instead, I broke my elbow and tore ligaments in it... on the first day of our vacation.

Since our return from Europe in late July, my elbow limitations have kept me from even going in to my shop, until yesterday. My arm is feeling good enough that I went in, swept up, and actually repaired the small piece on the right side of this picture! It was only soldering, but it felt good to get back on track.

I'm pretty sure my arm is well enough to pick up the pace and fix the rest of these repair jobs. I'm even considering what my next artistic piece will be (hint: birds!). And I'm beginning to think about which holiday I want to create a piece for and what it will be. It's delightful to begin thinking creatively again. I feel like I've been "on hold" for a while.

I feel like I've been "on hold" in other ways, too. My exercise routine has been drastically altered since weight-lifting, swimming, biking, and kayaking are all elbow-dependent. But I'm glad to say I haven't put my spiritual life "on hold." I have kept up with my reading and praying. I thank God for that. We have worshiped in a few different churches over the past two months, including St. Paul's in London and places where my husband supplied the preaching for a vacationing minister.

God has been working on necessary repairs in my life during this time. Not just healing my elbow, but continuing to change my heart and my mind to seek Him more, to follow Jesus more closely, and to grow in many ways. I am thankful that I am NOT finished because there is so much of me that is still selfish, petty, and irritable, and I ask God to continuously do the repair work so vital to my life. Amen.

Just a Phone Call

This afternoon I got a phone call from my husband's brother, saying that their dad was in the hospital. At this point, none of us knows what the problem is or how serious it is. I had a difficult time getting the news to my husband, and when I did talk to him, I had frustratingly little information for him.

My father-in-law's illness comes just after I found out that my step-dad received bad news from his oncologist this past week. My heart is heavy with sadness, thinking about our parents' aging and illnesses. I don't want to lose any of our parents!

Sometimes it seems like chaos is just a phone call away. The phone call in the night that reveals your teen has been arrested. The phone call about the death of a grandparent. Is our hold on "okayness" so fragile? Or are we anchored more deeply?


In the past, I've spent many years afraid of what could happen. "What If?" chased me in my nightmares and my daydreams. It seemed that my hold on wholeness was tentative at best. My faith has grown and matured over the past decade. Fears no longer rule me, and my hold on "okayness" is strong.

I am anchored more deeply now than ever before. How? By the grace of God only. He has asked me to trust, and I have. He has provided more faith than I ever knew possible. My life is not perfect, but I am no longer concerned about making it perfect. It is not about me anymore.

I still worry when we get those phone calls. They aren't "just" a simple phone call, but my security isn't jangled or dislodged by just a phone call. Thank God.

Dare I Claim?

Awaking very early this morning, I read my devotional, Living the Message by Eugene Peterson. Today's devotions led me to Galatians 3:1-7. The Word speaks of living our lives in faith, just as we began our Christian lives with faith. Specifically, Galatians 3:3 says, "How foolish can you be? After starting your Christian lives in the Spirit, why are you now trying to become perfect by your own human effort?" (ESV)

And oh, that's me sometimes! I fear that I am not faithful enough, not good enough, to reach God. Silly me, this scripture says! Silly me, to think that I need to reach God. He is ever, always, reaching for me! Because he loves me. And you. We do not have to be good enough, strong enough, faithful enough, because HE loves us and wants us and calls us.

So, as this truth struck me this early morn, I asked, "Dare I claim this to be true for me?" Me, whom I know intimately to have many, many faults and shortcomings? Me, whom I know hasn't lived up to what God would have me be?

And I reached for my Bible to read on a bit... with my left hand... my broken elbow... I could not lift my Bible that way! My elbow is too weak, too painful, so I let go immediately and reached with my right hand.

I realized in that moment that my broken elbow is an apt metaphor for this passage of scripture. I know my limitations physically... why not in faith? My physical strength is in my right arm; my spiritual strength is in Jesus Christ's finished work of love for my redemption.

Dare I claim the promise of God? YES. I claim the truth that Philippians 1:6 states so clearly, "And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns." I, by myself, am not enough to become perfect, finished, God-worthy. But through Jesus Christ, I have been redeemed, and I trust that God will complete the work He has begun within me.

I can see little pieces of His work in me. I can feel little bits of the fruits of the spirit growing, but it is not my doing. God is at work in my life. And yours! Trust Him to continue His work. Amen.