Sunday, August 26, 2012

Just a Phone Call

This afternoon I got a phone call from my husband's brother, saying that their dad was in the hospital. At this point, none of us knows what the problem is or how serious it is. I had a difficult time getting the news to my husband, and when I did talk to him, I had frustratingly little information for him.

My father-in-law's illness comes just after I found out that my step-dad received bad news from his oncologist this past week. My heart is heavy with sadness, thinking about our parents' aging and illnesses. I don't want to lose any of our parents!

Sometimes it seems like chaos is just a phone call away. The phone call in the night that reveals your teen has been arrested. The phone call about the death of a grandparent. Is our hold on "okayness" so fragile? Or are we anchored more deeply?

In the past, I've spent many years afraid of what could happen. "What If?" chased me in my nightmares and my daydreams. It seemed that my hold on wholeness was tentative at best. My faith has grown and matured over the past decade. Fears no longer rule me, and my hold on "okayness" is strong.

I am anchored more deeply now than ever before. How? By the grace of God only. He has asked me to trust, and I have. He has provided more faith than I ever knew possible. My life is not perfect, but I am no longer concerned about making it perfect. It is not about me anymore.

I still worry when we get those phone calls. They aren't "just" a simple phone call, but my security isn't jangled or dislodged by just a phone call. Thank God.

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