"Active Shooter"

I just saw a breaking news headline that began with "Active Shooter." We've seen too many of these lately. Too much violence. Too much hatred. Too much anger. A four-year-old was shot and killed in a road rage incident in Albuquerque. Multiple bombings have taken place in Turkey, Nigeria, Cameroon. Mass killings in Paris. Multiple racist shootings in Minneapolis.

Seeing "Active Shooter" in the headline makes me sick to my stomach, but it also revealed to me a way in which God has been molding me. My first response was to bow my head and pray. I prayed for the shooter(s), that they might find peace and hope in Jesus Christ instead hatred or anger. I prayed for the victims, three of whom appear to be police officers, that they might have non-life-threatening wounds, that they might get help quickly, and that they would know the healing touch of God, our Father. I prayed for those bystanders who weren't injured, that they might escape injury and find the peace of God in the midst of this terror.

Mind you, I am not bragging about my own ability to pray; this is GOD'S work in me. My usual response would be to feel sad and helpless. I recognized in today's response that God is continuing to work in me, as promised in Philippians 1:6. And that is a great joy for me!

I love the idea that I am not finished... that God is still working in me... that someday God will carry this work to completion. This is hope.

In this world of "active shooters" and other terror and tragedy, we must cling to hope, to the promises that God has made that, in the end, all things work for the good of those who love Him (Romans 8:28).

In times of fear and worry, turn to Him.

Not a "Normal" Christian.

Last night, our family attended a "Singspiration" service at the local Assemblies of God church. The churches of Dulce get together like this about 3 times a year, gathering all God's people into one of our churches to celebrate and worship as one. It's a joyous time!

Gathering with God's people of different traditions is an interesting experience, and I love it! Hearing different styles of music is delightful, and participating in various forms of prayer is fun and enlightening.

Each gathered church led some songs, and several people sang solos or duets they had prepared. Many folks gave their testimony, and one in particular struck me.

This person pulled the microphone closer and started by saying, "You can probably tell by looking that I'm not a normal Christian."

Not a "normal" Christian. It stopped me in my tracks. I looked around at the Christians gathered to praise God together, and I noticed:

1. Most were Native American. Not surprising since we live on a reservation.
2. There were more women than men, but not by much.
3. Many of God's gathered people had tattoos and/or piercings.
4. Very few of the attendees wore something other than jeans. Quite a few sweatshirts, too. And
    tennis shoes.

I fit several of those descriptions myself last night. My thoughts went back to the person who was singing about Jesus saving his/her life. "Normal" described him/her quite well. Just a normal, everyday Christian in this place we live.

I was filled with joy to praise God with these folks. The only thing that makes one a Christian is loving Jesus and trusting Him to forgive your sins. I wish all Christians could gather, ignoring the petty differences we have, finding the common ground of Jesus, and praise Him.

I am the Lord Your God

I am reading the Bible chronologically this year. It's a reading plan on my phone, and I am 14% done. That means I'm reading Leviticus.

Yep. Leviticus.

We have a "Sing Through the Bible" DVD that we play sometimes for AWANA. The song about Leviticus has a refrain that goes, "Rules. We've got rules."

Yep. Leviticus.

It's been hard to get excited about doing my Bible reading through Leviticus. (This is also true for me in Chronicles, where Brad and I are in our continuous reading through the Bible.) After all, it's...

Leviticus.

Skin diseases. Clean and unclean animals. Sacrifices.

Leviticus.

Then today, I begin my three or four chapters with Leviticus 19. Verses 1-2 say, "The Lord said to Moses, 'Speak to the entire assembly of Israel and say to them: 'Be holy because I, the Lord your God, am Holy.''"

16 TIMES in Leviticus 19 alone, God says, "I am the Lord your God." or something remarkably similar. 4 more times in Leviticus 20, and at least four more times in Leviticus 21.

I am the Lord your God. Now that has relevance to me. To today. To our lives right now.

I can't let my mind wander during that.  God Almighty is my Lord, my God. He claimed his people, Israel, and He claims me.

Wow.

Leviticus!

Where was the Church?

More than two dozen times in the Bible, we are exhorted to do right by our neighbor. "Do not defraud or rob your neighbor." (Leviticus 19:13) "Do not plot harm against your neighbor..." (Proverbs 3:29) And Matthew 22:39: "Love your neighbor as yourself."

The Bible even defines who our neighbor is in Luke 10: 30-38. Jesus says that we are to go out into the world and do what the Samaritan did: Go out of our way to rescue and take care of our neighbors, even when they dislike us. That's a radical requirement! We are not to limit our loving care to those neighbors with whom we agree or those who have invited us into their homes in friendship; Jesus says that piety is not enough. Serving those we like is not enough.

We are to go out of our way to serve those with whom we have no friendship!

For strangers.

The church of Christ is to be the very hands and feet of God. We are to be filled with the Holy Spirit so as to be made "like Christ," who "took on the very  nature of a servant."

Have you ever wondered what that looked like?

I've never thought about it as much as I have this week. This week, in which our community is grieving the deaths of several of its members. Some of these deaths are personal for me, and I am grieving for someone I knew. Others are communal and almost knock me down breathless in their tragedy.

Many deaths here are precipitated by alcohol and/or drug abuse. Some are connected to mental illness. Occasionally, there is the death of a Jicarilla elder, prominent in the community.  The death of young people is not uncommon here. But this week, a young woman took the life of her very young daughter and then herself. That level of tragedy is beyond words. It is known only in the groaning of the Holy Spirit in our weakness to express the loss.

And I wonder...

Where was the church?

Where were we, the body of Christ, in this young woman's despair? Were we, like the priest or Levite, walking on the other side of the road? Were we ignoring her cries of pain? Too 'good' to stoop down and lift her up?

Or were we totally unaware? Blind to her needs, to her anguish?

Where were we when our neighbor was so desperate?

And where will we be for our next neighbor? How can we reach out and lift our neighbor out of distress next time? I have no answer, but I know the only answer is the hope we find in our Lord. He is our help and our shield.

Please pray with me that the church, the very body of Christ, will find ways to "love our neighbor as [ourselves]." (Matthew 22:39)

Fear Not

Sometimes things are a mess. In my glass shop. In my life. In our neighborhoods. In our nation. In our world.

I was asked recently how I protect my children from the fear they might have of a shooter coming to their school (or theater or wherever). And I've had many conversations about how we can protect our children from those who would wrong them, from bullies to sex offenders.

And my response is this: We can't protect our children from the mess and the evil of this world. We can certainly shelter them from adult movies, dangerous parks where drugs are regularly sold, etc, but we cannot predict where the next mentally ill shooter will choose to express their anger with a gun.

And honestly, I don't think we should try to protect them from every evil they may face. What we need to teach them is how we, ourselves, face fears. As adults, we know that evil can come from many quarters, and we know that it isn't always even  possible to protect ourselves.

So what do I do to face my fears of attacking dogs, bears, mountain lions... of rapists and shooters and robbers?

I'd love to say that the very first thing I do is turn to God, and while that is certainly my "bottom-line" in dealing with my fears, I have to admit that the first thing I do is prepare. I prepare myself by knowing which decisions are likely to lead to danger and which decisions are likely to lead to safety.

So, for example, our daughter and I wear bear bells when we hike. And I've learned (and taught my 8 yo) what to do in case of a bear (mountain lion, scary adult) encounter. I think these precautions are just plain smart. I try not to frighten myself or our daughter, but to be prepared.

Here's a recent example of being prepared: Lately, there has been a very aggressive dog in one of the yards I pass on my daily walk. There is a fence, but this dog can almost jump over it, and there are many gaps in the fenceline. I have carried the occasional stick while I walk to deal with dogs, but this particular dog has been a consistent problem. My stick seemed to provide no deterrence. So I bought pepper spray last week. And used it yesterday. Successfully.

However, each day as I approach the area this dog frequents, I turn to God. I don't simply say, "God, protect me from this dog." I try to seek a deeper truth, I say: "God, in everything You are my God. In everything, You are my strength. No matter what happens today with this particular dog in this particular situation, I turn to You. In You I find my hope."

Ann Voskamp recently posted this meme:

I cling to this. God is with me in all things, large and small. My fear and dismay are not the victors! God is. And this is what I'm trying to teach my daughter. Yes, there are things to fear in this world... But the victory is God's!

No Tiara

"Well, the job doesn't come with a tiara, that's for sure!"

This was my not-so-serious answer to the question, "How do you like being a pastor's wife?"

See, I've been me much longer than I've been a pastor's wife. I've been a teacher, a mom, a volunteer in and out of church, and a homemaker for many years. I've only been a pastor's wife for two. And only in one place.

In some ways, our church is a throwback. One pastor. No secretary. A part-time custodian for the gym/classrooms, and volunteers for cleaning the sanctuary. My husband is pastor of preaching. And pastor of plumbing. And pastor of building and grounds. And pastor of volunteers and visiting and cleaning the sanctuary when there is an extra event...

I do help out in the church. Our wee one and I are taking our turn at cleaning the sanctuary this month. I plan to teach Sunday School in November. When there's a potluck, I bring our share (or a bit more).

And there are certainly times when my contribution is as great as my pastor-husband's. For example, in the past month, we have had church-related guests (some staying here, some not) three or four times. I love hosting visitors, as long as they can deal with our busy household and steep stairs. We often invite people to eat with us, and having overnight guests is a fairly frequent thing. I don't mind the laundry, cooking, or cleaning up at all...

But there's no tiara that comes with the job.

And I don't mind that at all. I'm not really a tiara kind of girl. Or middle-aged woman.

Being a pastor's wife has been a blessing, just like I thought it would be when I was eleven and shocked my mom by answering the age-old "What do you want to be when you grow up?" with "A minister's wife." Then I was told that I should be something for ME, not as an attachment to someone else, and while I believe that in many ways, I also believe that God has called me to be a pastor's wife.

It fits me. And I like it. Alongside being a homeschooling mom. My ministry may not be very visible, but that isn't what God calls us to. I love supporting my husband in his work. I love praying with the worried grandma and the grieving mother when they call the parsonage, but my husband isn't home. Providing a plate full of food for someone wandering through the yard is a ministry for me. Being a safe place for various families to drop off their children in an emergency is a ministry for me. Teaching my daughter and the young Jicarilla boy who has joined us for school this year is a huge undertaking, and very much a calling. Adding in the other two kids for Science is a blessing.

My mentor in being a pastor's wife died recently, and I miss her. I know she would read this and give me a call to encourage me. I hope that someday I can be remembered as I remember her: As a woman of God who fulfilled my calling well.

Even if it doesn't come with a tiara.

Create in me

"Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me." Psalm 51:10

This verse drew me in this morning. Renewal is something I've been thinking about during my spiritual "lull." On this day I was walking, seeking God's presence as my Sunday began.

And then I realized...

Well, duh...

No matter how hard I try, renewal is not my work. It's God's.

Look at the words of the Psalm again: "Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me." God is creating. God is renewing.

So, instead of trying to think of new ways to approach my lack of spiritual motivation, I prayed the Psalm: "Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me." I gave this work to God and entreated with Him to work in me.

I will trust in Him to complete His good work in me (Philippians 1:6). God began His work in me when I was a child. I sought Him eagerly throughout my adolescence. I dropped away in college, but it has been almost exactly 20 years since I returned, somewhat reluctantly, to church.

God drew me back to church and worked in me to renew my faith. He has grown and developed my faith and my understanding. He has equipped me to meet His call in my life. He will continue to work in me until I am completely transformed. This lull will produce His fruit. And I will continue to pray and read and study and trust. He is faithful and I am His.

Amen.

And amen.