Create in me

"Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me." Psalm 51:10

This verse drew me in this morning. Renewal is something I've been thinking about during my spiritual "lull." On this day I was walking, seeking God's presence as my Sunday began.

And then I realized...

Well, duh...

No matter how hard I try, renewal is not my work. It's God's.

Look at the words of the Psalm again: "Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me." God is creating. God is renewing.

So, instead of trying to think of new ways to approach my lack of spiritual motivation, I prayed the Psalm: "Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me." I gave this work to God and entreated with Him to work in me.

I will trust in Him to complete His good work in me (Philippians 1:6). God began His work in me when I was a child. I sought Him eagerly throughout my adolescence. I dropped away in college, but it has been almost exactly 20 years since I returned, somewhat reluctantly, to church.

God drew me back to church and worked in me to renew my faith. He has grown and developed my faith and my understanding. He has equipped me to meet His call in my life. He will continue to work in me until I am completely transformed. This lull will produce His fruit. And I will continue to pray and read and study and trust. He is faithful and I am His.

Amen.

And amen.

Lulls

 I haven't done much glass work lately. I'm in a lull. Not that I don't have work to do; I'm in the middle of a piece in my series that is framed in found frames, but I am completely uninspired to work on it...

Do you experience lulls? I think it's pretty normal. We get enthused about something for a while, then our interest wanes, and pretty soon we're in a lull.


I've just ended a lull in kayaking. When we moved to Dulce, New Mexico, two years ago I thought I would kayak in the lakes on the reservation. I've been there a few times, but the lakes are very low and muddy. It's been a challenge to get in and out of the kayaks (and the lake!). I was even considering selling my kayaks... but then a friend asked me to bring the kayaks so she and her children could try out the sport. We met at a lovely lake in Colorado, and I realized that there was amazing kayaking available in the area. Since then, I've been kayaking numerous times and enjoyed it immensely.

Trying something new sometimes restarts our motivation to enjoy something. That's the strategy I've been using to bring me out of my current lull in seeking God. It's not a change in what I believe, but just that I have been in a lull for seeking God, seeking His guidance, seeking His will...

I've tried new devotionals. More prayer time. Reading books. Listening to Christian music. Trying to write for my blog. Not much was working. I haven't felt totally lost or disconnected, just not inspired.

 I have read John Piper's Desiring God daily devotionals for a while now. They are always excellent. So I decided to pick up the book from my husband's extensive library. I've been reading it for only a few days, but it has begun to pull me out of the lull. Thank you, God, for your faithful leaders who inspire us to follow You.

I pray that you are not in a lull, but if you are, don't give up. God will provide. We can rest in that truth. Especially when we can't see the way out for ourselves; that's when God's faithfulness shines.

Two Years

Two years! We arrived in Dulce two years ago this week! It's hard to imagine that it's already been two years, but as my husband shared in his reflections, we have experienced much here in these two years.

When I think of two years here, it makes me look ahead to the next 8-12 years. We planned to stay 10+ years here in Dulce, which means we're already almost 20% "done," whatever that means.

Ministry, like glass work, is a process. You start with a pattern, a plan. For me, most of the planning in ministry here has to do with the children. We've had two years of Sunday School experiences and one year of AWANA experience. Our plans were clear-cut and simple: Bring God's Word to the Jicarilla Apache children of our church and community.

The first year, our Sunday School teachers prepared their own lessons, a month at a time. Sometimes this went well, and sometimes it didn't. In my own teaching month, I realized that I had to adjust my expectations in many ways! For example, our children ranged in age from 2-12. And the number of children varied from 1-26!

In the second year, we tried a video curriculum. This was a total bomb. There were about 2 children who were interested in the video regularly. It was only a couple of months into the year that we went back to plan-your-own-lessons.

This year, we have a prepared curriculum for multi-aged groups. We are hoping to meet the needs of our children better this year. I imagine that we have some surprises in store for us this year, as well! My plans are building on what I've learned each year, and hopefully I will continue to improve the planning for Sunday School.

Our AWANA ministry has learned from mistakes, as well. We moved our meeting time at least twice last year, which cut down on attendance. We also have learned that we shouldn't give t-shirts to the kids on their first visit! Again, building on what we've learned...

I'm actively involved in a homeschool co-op, and we're developing a network of homeschooling families here on the reservation. This isn't directly connected to our church, but ministry isn't always in the context of a church!

Like glass, the picture of ministry here in Dulce continues to develop, and I look forward eagerly to what is to come in the next years. We pray that God will guide our work here, bless our efforts, and bring much fruit from the ministry of His church on the reservation.

And like glass, the process sometimes changes what is planned. I pray that I will remain malleable like clay in God's hands. I pray that God will melt me, mold me, fill me, use me... all the days we are here (and beyond)!

For ultimately, it is His work here that matters, not mine. The work He does through my hands and the hands of others, not my plans. I need only be faithful and trust His work and His timing. And a beautiful, finished creation will be completed. That's His promise.

Amen.

Everyday

As we come up on two years here in Dulce, I was considering how to express our lives so that our friends, family, and others can know what ministry and life look like here. I decided that simply sharing a day would be a great way to let you in on my day-to-day reality. So, here goes:

Today, a Wednesday, I got up at about 6:20 and met a Jicarilla friend to walk together. We walk at the high school track, which is about 3/4 of a mile from our home. I walk to the field, then my friend and I walk another 3/4 of a mile on the track while we chat. Today I learned that a member of our congregation was ill, that some people were traveling, and that the wildfire was still burning. A second fire crew was being called to fight it. The fire is about 4 miles from our house, and as of tonight has burned over 160 acres just on the other side of a ridge and across a river from the parsonage and church. I must admit that wildfires scare me! Hand me a tornado any day; I know what to do during a tornado!

I returned home about 7:40 and got ready for the day. I wrote a letter to one of my parents while I was waiting for school to start.  By 8:25, my second student arrived. I am home-schooling our 8 year old daughter, and this year I added a 7 year old Jicarilla boy. It has been a delightful addition! My daughter loves having another student, and the two of them learn very well together. We spent the morning doing lessons and reading, except for the quick trip I took to the post office to mail a package containing a glass piece I had finished yesterday. Brad took a few minutes away from his sermon-preparation and hung out with the kids while they were on a short break. While I was at the post office, I chatted with a woman from our congregation, finding out that one of her family members needed prayer.

On another break from our lessons, I returned a call to a friend and found out that she was going to homeschool one of her children. She wanted to chat about homeschooling, so I made a plan to meet with her later today.

Following school, the two kids headed out to the backyard pool while I made some lunch. We usually make lunch together so we can discuss nutrition, but there are so few pool-days left that I let them go swim. They ate under the trampoline, delighting in being outside with their lunches. I ate in the kitchen, window (and ears) open to the pool and trampoline, while I continued to read "Half the Sky" by Kristof and WuDunn. If you haven't read this book, you should! It is an excellent discussion of the oppression of women around the world, and of how to turn that oppression into opportunity.

By 1:00, another homeschooled Jicarilla boy arrived to join the swimmers. The three kids had a wonderful time swimming, jumping, and playing while I sat under a tree, crocheted a Christmas present for a granddaughter, and chatted with an elderly widow who happened by and saw me outside. She stayed till suppertime.

At 3:00, I taught a science lesson to all three children, and wrapped up their playtime. They were picked up by family before 4:00. I then made a quick supper while our daughter practiced her piano lesson. We ate early so that Brad could take our wee one to her soccer practice from 5:30-7:00. I've been helping the coaches with the kids, but tonight I stayed home so I could meet with the new homeschooling family.

Before supper, I also shopped, bought, and drop-shipped two magnetic door alarms to one of our grandchildren's family after their two toddlers managed to open the chained door and get outside. Thankfully, a neighbor found them immediately and returned them home. Their mother was distraught, as was I. It was this kind of situation which caused the death of another of our grandchildren in February.

I spent from 5:30-7:20 with the newly homeschooled child and family, doing a quick assessment of the child's reading ability. Following that, I made some recommendations to the family about what strategies would be effective for the student. When our daughter arrived home from soccer, all the children went outside to jump on the trampoline. I finished my visit with the adults in the family, and they went home. Our daughter came in for a bath and bed. After tucking her in, I started writing this post.

This was a very typical day for me. It is busy, but I am rarely overwhelmed. God has provided the patience, energy, and enthusiasm for all my activities. Sometimes, I don't feel like I'm doing much ministry, but when I examine this day, I see several interactions that could be considered ministry. This is what God has called me to, and I am blessed to live each day in His grace and providence. I am delighted that my education and experience as a teacher are being put to use. I am blessed by several friendships. And I love serving the people here.

Amen.

Four Things This Christian Wants to Say About the Supreme Court Ruling:

I have been mulling the Supreme Court decision of this week. You would have to live under a rock not to know that the US Supreme Court ruled that marriage between two men or two women is now legal across our land. I have four things to say about that, and I might surprise you!

1) We do not have to agree to be kind and respectful of one another.

I have read and seen some very unkind things from both sides of this issue. There is no need to hate others because they believe something different from you. We do not have the right to demand that everyone agrees with us!

2) This is not a theocracy. 

Thank God! (Irony intended.) The United States of America is not a theocracy, and I'm glad. There is no guarantee that the people in power will agree with me! And I believe that I should be free to believe in the way that God moves me to believe. This is the same reasoning that allowed me to be a committed Christian, but teach in a public school. I wouldn't want MY children taught someone else's beliefs; therefore, I shouldn't teach mine either.

The final two statements are more from a Christian perspective than the first two. In these, I assume that Christians may hold positions on both sides of this issue. In fact, I purposefully do not reveal my stance because it does not matter!

3) A sin is a sin is a sin.

Even for those Christians who believe firmly that homosexuality is a sin, this should make a difference. One sin is not worse than another. Romans 8:23 says, "For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God." Jesus tells us that just being angry is as much of a sin as murder! (Matthew 5:21-22) There is no distinction. Should Christians spew hate at gluttons? At people who cohabit prior to marriage? We Christians should not be in the business of condemnation. Period. Sin is between the person and God; the rest of us should stay out of it.

4) Jesus told us to love one another. 

John 13:34 says that we are to love one another as Christ first loved us. Jesus didn't hate sinners! He loved us. And then he told us to love each other. He didn't say, "Love your neighbor as yourself, unless he's ___________." ANY word can go in that blank because Jesus didn't exclude anyone. And neither should we.

Left Behind

This piece is called "Good." It represents God's creation as depicted in Genesis. A dear friend's husband bought it for her on their fiftieth anniversary. It has brought me much joy to know that she had it!

That dear friend died this week. She lost her fight with cancer and went to join her Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. I have no doubts that this beautiful sister in Christ is out of pain and praising our God.

It is the third significant loss I have faced in 2015. Most of  you know about our 2 year old granddaughter's tragic death in February. And in March one of my mother's sisters passed away completely unexpectedly.

At this time, between my husband and me, we have one aunt, one uncle, and one parent suffering from a terminal illness. One is in hospice care. One is continuing to do well. And one is failing at home. Blessedly, each of these ailing family members is a Christian, which gives me hope of being with them again. But it still sometimes feels overwhelming...

I know I'm not alone. I hear people talk about their losses. Sometimes multiple losses. I know people who have lost many more loved ones than I have at this point. And I know that I will lose more as time goes on.

So how do we, as Christians, process these losses? How do we face a future without our child(ren), without our grandchild(ren), without our parent(s), without our sibling(s)? It seems so bleak to be left behind.

Our hope is in You, Oh God. In You. (Psalm 39:7) Even our nations put their hope in Jesus Christ! (Matthew 12:21) "Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for He who promised is faithful."(Hebrews 10:23)

The key is in that last Scripture: "...for He who promised is faithful." Not US. He who promised. Our Lord, Jesus Christ. We can depend on Him. We can hope in Him. We can be assured that what He promises is true.

So on these days when we feel overwhelmed by loss (or potential loss), let us hold tightly to He-who-promised. To Jesus. Emmanuel. God with us.

We are not alone. We will never be alone. He walks with us. To that we cling in times like these.

Happy Fathers' Day.

It's not a punctuation error that the title is "Happy Fathers' Day" instead of "Happy Father's Day." I hated Father's Day with a passion until my youngest daughter made my new husband a father with me six years ago. My current husband is a GREAT father to our little one, but even that didn't completely take the sour out of my heart about my own father, and therefore about Father's Day.

My biological father was abusive to me when he lived with us. He has been an erratic presence in my life as an adult, and more than seven years ago told me he didn't want to be my dad anymore. When we moved to New Mexico, I sent him a Christmas card with our new address. His response? To send every. single. thing. I had ever given him (or my children had ever given to him) to me in an unmarked box with a note saying basically, "Don't ever bother me again."

So you can see why Father's Day hasn't been a banner holiday for me. I took solace in my Heavenly Father, which soothed most of the pain, but I still didn't like the day. I always called my stepdad and wished him a happy day, but I was still holding something back.

Two things have happened to change this for 2015:

1. My mother's husband of 27 years wrote a note in my birthday card: "To My Daughter~." When I opened it, tears of joy filled my eyes. My stepdad has always been kind and accepting of me and my kids; he is definitely their grandpa, but he's never referred to me as his very own daughter till now. It filled my heart with gladness.





2. My first stepdad (my mom and he were married during my teenage years) stopped by our home on his way to the Grand Canyon. We have always maintained a relationship, but it hasn't been super-close, even though I've always thought of him as one of my dads. Anyway, in spending a day and night with us, we rekindled our relationship. We talked about my childhood, and I guess I surprised him when I said that he changed my life.

He did. He opened my eyes to so many things! He's the guy who taught me to fix cars and use tools. He's the man who took me camping and taught me to love nature. He's the guy who sparked my interest in geology. He's the father who taught me to trust some adult men.

After my first stepdad returned home, he sent me a heartfelt email, apologizing for not fulfilling the role of father after my mom and he divorced (not that he was obligated to do so!!). He also said that he'd like to be a grandfather for our daughter, if we would let him. Our daughter has a bunch of grandfathers, but as my mom always said, "The more people who love you, the better!" I responded positively, and then said that I knew he wasn't really even old enough to be my dad (He's only 13 years older than I am!), but that I have always thought of him as a dad. He accepted that role, too, and we welcomed him into our lives. It has been wonderful in many ways already!

So this year, 2015, I am not fatherless. I have an abundance of fathers! I am blessed by my Heavenly Father, of course, but He has also fully opened the door to my heart for two more fathers. I am blessed in so many ways, and this has filled a hole that has been in my life for a very long time. Shopping for Father's Day cards was a joy instead of a burden. I have two phone calls to make on Father's Day, and both men think of me in some way as their very own daughter.

I have two things to add to this:

1. If you are a father in any way to any children (young or grown), please reach out to them. Even if it's been years since you've been in their lives. Even if you are part of their daily life and family. Reach out. You may be the father that can heal their hearts of great pain.

2. Happy Father's Day! And I can really feel that honestly this year. Thank you, God. Amen.