Spinning

Everywhere I look these days, it seems like things are spinning out of control. Coronavirus. Masks/No Masks. Racial Justice. So many people are so loud. So convinced that they alone are right. So determined to force the opinions to which they so strongly adhere.

I've been spinning a lot lately, too. Literally. For whatever reason, mild vertigo has become my companion. I hate it. I hate standing up to a world that is spinning, in which I have no balance! My balance has been affected greatly, and it's awful.

My walk this morning was cut short due to the spinning of my world. I despise not being able to keep my body in good working shape. A decade ago, I swam a couple miles, rode my bike several miles, and walked a couple of miles every day. My body felt strong and competent. Not anymore.

In all of this spinning, all of these things outside my control, I know I am not alone. I know others have worse physical conditions. I know others are puzzling their way through our chaotic world. I know that reality is spinning in so many unexpected ways. It's getting us all off-balance.

So what do we do? How do we manage these chaotic out-of-control events. How do we stay balanced in an ever-spinning world? Are we to simply fall down?

Well, this morning when I stood up too fast for my vertigo, I started to fall. Then I reached out to find something stable, something still. I found a coffee table with my hands and quickly sat down on it. I simply sat there until the chaos in my vestibular system settled down and I wasn't dizzy anymore.

So, Christian, what should you do to regain your balance? When the world is whirling uncontrollably with COVID, opinions, violence, or fear, what can you do?

Hold fast to your foundation. Reach out to your faith: pray, read your Bible, listen to Christian music, talk with your pastor or a trusted Christian sister. When you reach for something stable, you can rest in it for long enough to regain your balance. After you rest, the chaos will be more manageable.

This world is spinning at an incredible rate, with much confusing noise. Regain your balance. Stop. Slow. Reach for trusted faith resources. Rest.

Rest.

Amen.

Sonflowers

The sunflowers are blooming in New Mexico. These sunflowers are slightly different from the Midwest's sunflowers. In the Midwest, sunflowers are tall, straight, and have one giant bloom on top. In the Southwest, sunflowers grow on lower, multi-stemmed plants with multiple blooms. The Jicarilla say that the height of the sunflowers equals the height of the snow in the upcoming winter.

One thing that all the sunflowers I've ever seen do is to turn their blossoms toward the sun throughout the day. In the morning, the blossoms all face east; in the evening, west. It's amazing to watch a field of sunflowers on time lapse (here)!

As we've proceeded through this pandemic and racial upheaval in the past few months, I've often wondered what good I can do in this situation. And sometimes, I've been downhearted, as I'm sure most of you have, also.

On yesterday's morning walk, I saw the first sunflower blooms and they made me smile. They were bent to the sun, leaning into that warmth and energy with all their being. The buds were just splitting on some of the flowers, but even they were reaching for the sun.

Christians, this is what we need to do in this troubled time. And in every time. Lean into the Son. Reach toward Jesus with all your being. Soak up His energy, His warmth, His love, His guidance. Read His word. Sing songs to praise Him. Look Sonward.

Be a Sonflower.

High Stakes

Most of you know that our family was built by God. He has a wonderful sense of humor! When we married, we were empty nesters in our late 40s and early 50s. We didn't expect to raise any more children. We were done being in-house parents.

Then came a phone call from our granddaughter's social worker. (We didn't even know she had one!) The social worker asked us to consider taking our 2 year old granddaughter as a foster child, with the possibility of adopting her. We felt too old. We were assured we were not. We felt too busy, but we weren't.

We prayed. She came. She stayed. Forever. It's been a delight to raise her to her teen years! We look forward to the short time we have left with her in our home as a minor. She is a wonderful young adult, and I love the fact that I get to be her grandma-mom forever!

About three years ago, our granddaughter was getting old enough we could leave her alone for short periods of time. It was such a joy to be able to go out running and walking together as a couple! We relished the growing independence for her and for us.

Then came a phone call. Asking us if we would take two tiny Apache boys "for a few days" so that the social worker here could find a Jicarilla family to take them longer term. We reminded the social worker that we were white. They said it's okay. We reminded the social worker that we were old (in our 50s for real, now). They said it was fine.

We prayed. They came. They stayed. Forever. We did not anticipate raising kids more than 50 years younger than we are, but God has called us to this. He will give us the endurance and wisdom to do it for Him.

Today, in the midst of the COVID-19 pandemic, with the tribe having a more than 300% increase in cases in the past couple of weeks, the tribal president sent out a memo to the community. In it, the consequences for Native Americans breaking the health orders was laid out. And so were the consequences for Non-Native Americans (us, minus the boys): Immediate expulsion from the reservation.

I totally agree with these consequences. The Jicarilla Apache have suffered from diseases brought by outsiders, and they deserve to protect their people and their land. I have no hesitations about their rights or reasons to make the consequences so dire. And I intend to follow every letter of this order.

But my heart is in my stomach because the stakes are so very high. If we disobey the health orders, even accidentally, the tribe has every right to remove us from their land. We have heard stories of occasional white people getting kicked off the rez. We have always been law-abiding guests of the Jicarilla, recognizing our status as guests.

The knots in my stomach come from what would happen to the boys, now 5 and 7, if we were excluded from the reservation. They are technically wards of the court (the Jicarilla court), and if we were told to leave, it would most likely be without the boys. Requiring them to move to yet another home. Which we've promised we would not do to them, if it is within our power.

High Stakes.

But not as high as the stakes in having faith in Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior. Those are forever high stakes. Those are eternal high stakes. If my stomach is in knots at the thought of messing up and having to leave two of our children behind, my stomach should be in complete flip-flops when I consider my faith in Jesus Christ, or my children's faith in Jesus Christ.

But my stomach isn't flip-flopping over faith. Is it because I don't care???

No! Absolutely not. I care very much. But, while following the health orders on the reservation is something I have to do on my own (and my family has to do each on his/her own), faith is a gift of God. Look at Ephesians 2:8! "For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith--and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God."

God is doing the heavy-lifting in faith. He gives faith to me. I can depend on him. His faithfulness to me is eternal and supreme. There is no need for anxiety about faith. About grace. About whether I'm measuring up.

Thank God!

I Challenge You, Two.

Christian, what is God's greatest commandment?

To love the Lord, your God, with all your heart, with all your mind, with all your strength. And the second is like it: Love your neighbor as yourself. I doubt that any Christian would ever question the first commandment. I think every Christian would agree that we are to love God. Wholeheartedly. Forever. And I believe that most Christians would say they love their neighbors. They donate. They volunteer. They contribute. But I want you, Christian Brother or Sister, to take a deeper look.

The exact words of this commandment from the Bible (from three different translations) are:

          "A second is equally important: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'" (NLT)
          "And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself." (KJV)
          "And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'" (NIV)

My challenge is this: Are there any qualifications as to which neighbor you are supposed to love?

I see none. I see no exceptions to "love thy neighbor." Do you? There is nothing in the commandment that indicates we should hate our transsexual neighbor, our Black neighbor, our White neighbor, our gay neighbor, or any other neighbor. I see no indication that we should only love our neighbors who live like we do, think like we do, or act like we do. None. Do you?

When Jesus spoke these words, he gave no qualifiers. If the God of the universe says we are to love our neighbor and doesn't limit which neighbor to love, how on earth can we humans justify limiting which neighbors we love? People do not have to pass a theological litmus test to be our neighbors, to be loved! That's what God says: Love every neighbor.

What about those with whom we disagree? Do we have to love them?  Of course we do. Jesus said to love our neighbor. No qualifiers. None. So, yes, we have to love those on the opposing sides of disagreements. Loving them doesn't mean agreeing with them. This is the greatest piece of my challenge to you, Christian.

God hates sin. Jesus hated the sin he saw in his neighbors that He loved. But Jesus loved the sinners. God has very clear boundaries about sin, and He hates every border crossing that we make. But Jesus Himself is proof to His followers that God loves the sinners. Romans 5:8 makes this crystal clear: "...but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us."

So, Christian, I challenge you to dig deep into yourself and ask if you are behaving in a loving way to your neighbors. All of your neighbors. Are you loving your neighbors who demonstrate your pet peeve of sins? Are you loving your neighbors without exception? It is not our job to judge, it is our job to love.

So, love, Christian, love. Love deeply, completely, generously, and without exception. And when you have a conflict with someone, disagree with love. Treat your opponent with love. Respond with love. Not agreement. Not conciliation without regard to your own beliefs. But with love because that's what Jesus told us to do.

This Broken World

I would be surprised if we could find anyone in the entire world today that would disagree with this: The world has lots of problems. As a Christian, I call the world broken. From coronavirus and quarantines to the murders of George Floyd and Breonna Taylor to the destruction of property and rain forests, this world is a mess. 

The broken world is one I love. I love its mountains and oceans, its human and animal inhabitants. All of which I am somewhat cut-off from right now. We should be preparing for a long-awaited visit from cousins this month, but these visits have been canceled due to coronavirus precautions. Next month, we were supposed to go back to the Midwest to see our parents, some of our siblings, our children, and our grandchildren. Canceled.

We usually are hiking and kayaking at least once a week by now, but Colorado has put limitations on their open space and the tribe has asked us not to travel off-reservation except for essential business. Our teenager, instead of hanging out with her friends at NYPUM (National Youth Project Using Motorcycles), is hanging out at home with her family. Our little guys are not participating in the Jicarilla Department of Youth programs, learning their language and culture with their friends; instead they are playing in their yard (which is awesome with a ninja warrior obstacle course, tons of space to ride their bikes, and sprinklers to keep them cool).

This world is broken in the best of times. It is certainly shattered right now. So what do we do? What does a Christian do in a broken world? 

The same thing Christians do in all times: Speak Life. 

We speak to God's goodness and power and grace. God has provided for our family in so many ways! We have joyfully received donations of food and drink. We have been blessed with enough money to pay for the more-expensive groceries. Our children are all handling quarantine with grace. It's not easy, but they are finding happiness in our everyday experiences.

We speak faithfully of God's provision. We tell others about how worried we were for our mission partners in India. They have over 30 people in their household right now, including orphans and Bible teachers! The coronavirus cases are exploding in their area, so they are mostly staying inside. We talk about how we've prayed for their food needs...feeding 30 people is no easy task, especially when shortages of all foodstuffs have raised prices to double and triple normal costs. And then we receive some "extra" money from the government or from skype-tutoring and are able to send our tithe to India to help feed this mission group. 

We reach out to those in our own backyard. There are many people who walk through the church property to reach other parts of town here in Dulce. We have always prayed for/with these people. We frequently have provided meals for these neighbors. And we continue to do these things. A friend (knowing that we do these things) recently sent over 40 cloth masks for us to give away. So when someone knocks at the door requesting a meal, we can provide a mask for them to wear to protect others (including us) from disease. We put together some food and drink for those who are hungry, and then we pray together (6 feet apart) before they leave. 

We reach out to those farther away. All of our friends and relatives are in this same broken world as we are. Some of them are struggling with the isolation of coronavirus and some are struggling with the pain of repeated violence toward Black lives. Our black and brown friends and family are suffering from anxiety and depression at much higher rates since George Floyd's murder and the ensuing protests. We can text our farther-away friends and family to encourage them. We can telephone them to check in. We can have something caring delivered to them. We can mail them cards, drawings, photos, etc. We can reach out on social media to uplift. We can pray for them regularly. 

We are not helpless. Our help comes from the Lord! He is never without power. His grace is unending. His love overflows our need. He will provide. Always. In all ways. 

Let me say that again.

He will provide.

Always.

In all ways.

Amen. 

#sitwiththis

I recently read this question asked of Black leaders in a forum:  Do Black people get sunburned? As the mom of two Black children I had some experience in this area, but I chose to keep my thoughts to myself and listen. I am learning that this is the very best way to learn from people way more informed and experienced than myself. 

I mean, think about it...who would you ask if Black people can get sunburned: White people or Black people? It's a no-brainer, right? 

Then why won't you listen to Black people about racism? Specifically about whether racism is happening frequently in 2020.  Aren't they the ones who would have the experience and knowledge to tell whether racism is alive and well in 2020? Aren't people of color the experts? 

No? How on earth can you claim to know more about racism and whether it's happening right now than people who receive racism?! 

And yet, that's what I see so many White people claiming: 

"There is no racism today." 

"Racism is dead; Black people keep dredging it up." 

"Stop claiming racism about everything!" 

"Racism is getting worse because Black people keep pushing it."

"I'm appalled at the murder of George Floyd, but I see no evidence it was racist."

"I understand why Black people are mad, but they should stop rioting."

And on and on.

White people: You are NOT the experts in racism. Black and Brown people are. Stop talking over them. Stop questioning their perceptions. Just stop.

And listen.

Listen to Colin Kaepernick's peaceful, quiet kneel.

Listen to Shaun King's social media posts.

Listen to Michelle Alexander and Ibram X. Kendi in their books about race.

Listen to Bryan Stevenson's TED Talk, "We Need to Talk About an Injustice." 

Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. called riots "the voice of the unheard." White America needs to make Black America heard. White America needs to stop talking over Black America and listen. Really listen. Stop telling Black people that their experiences aren't really what they say they are. Stop telling Black people that they're saying it wrong. Stop telling Black people that you're not racist; instead tell them what you're doing to be anti-racist. After you listen.

Listen to the experts on racism: Black Americans. Brown Americans. 

If we White Americans do not truly listen to Black and Brown Americans right now, there will be more riots. More anger. More hatred. I do not recommend rioting, but I do understand it. I support those who are doing it because no one is listening to their long list of grievances. Below is a diagram for you to explore to see if you yourself contribute to those grievances. Take some time to explore it and your own behavior.

When someone is being hurt repeatedly by another, we encourage politely telling the aggressor to stop. If they don't, we tell people to say it stronger. And if the perpetrator continues, we give permission to hit back. I mean, seriously folks, isn't that what you've told your kids??? If the bully won't listen to your words, your strong, powerful words, you can hit them back. Stand your ground even puts it into law. Talk. Talk strongly. Hit back.

Start listening, White America. Seek Black voices and listen.

Please.

78 Days in Self-Quarantine

We've been "staying at home" for 78 days now. For 78 days our children have gone absolutely nowhere out of our own house or yard. They have seen almost no one beyond our immediate household. Our teenager has been out exactly twice: once she sat in the car while I got some supplies; the second time, she was allowed in the store with me as long as she didn't touch anything. We've been wearing face masks when in the presence of anyone outside our household. Brad has gone out to visit congregants three times, I believe. He's done one burial service, outside and with only three mourners (beyond himself). Each time he's gone out, he has worn a face-covering and stayed at least six feet apart. Three times now, we have had some Christian friends bring us food. This has been a huge blessing! We are very grateful for the surprise and the food.

I know we're not the only family self-isolating. Your story may look a lot like ours, or yours may be one of the areas that are "opening up" and your family is more on the go than ours. As I wrote in my first coronavirus post, there are many reasons why we have chosen self-quarantine. Those are the very same reasons why we are continuing to self-quarantine. Read our reasons here.

On March 10, the day our family went into isolation, the CDC reported 25 total COVID deaths in the USA. Today, 78 days later, the CDC is reporting more than 98,000 COVID deaths in the United States. That's more than 1250 deaths on an average day. And according to many public health officials, this sobering total is likely much higher. I think as time goes on, we will have a more accurate count, and whether that is higher or lower than the current totals, it is staggering.

Our family has had some very good experiences during this lockdown. We have cooked together a lot; my children are all learning how to work in the kitchen. We've played games with friends via Skype. We are learning to "make do" with what we have, as we have eliminated all trips away from home to about once weekly for the post office and once monthly for the grocery store. Yes, really; that's it. We have spent lots of time together on our ninja line obstacle course outside and playing board games inside. Our teenager has invited the little guys to a monthly "sleepover" in the living room, complete with snacks she bakes and other treats. That has led our smaller children to have almost-weekly "sleepovers" with each other in their own bedrooms.

In addition, we worship together in our kitchen each Sunday. We've developed new traditions around birthdays: video-singing and personal birthday cakes. We're growing our abilities to work together and give grace to one another. We're done with pre-kindergarten, first grade, and seventh grade in our homeschool. Everyone is finishing up their last little bits, and we're playing lots of educational games in "summer school." For the first time, the teenager isn't in "summer school," she's doing some review on her own!

As we look ahead, we are anticipating a completely different summer and fall than usual. Our annual trip back to the Midwest is on hold for now. Our teen's switch to public school is on hold (who knows if open enrollment will even be possible in the times of COVID). Swimming, kayaking, hiking, and more is waiting on the okay from the tribe, and on our own comfort levels.

But we're not dismayed. (Well, maybe the teen is occasionally dismayed.) We have been investing in backyard play equipment to make it more fun to be home. We're waiting for the summer heat so we can blow up our pool and add it to the backyard fun. We're continuing the work of praying, feeding the hungry, passing out masks (thanks to some wonderful supporters around the country), and more. We're even developing a Virtual VBS for the kids here!

We are very blessed that our jobs and lives allow us to continue to work and be happy from home. We are not suffering from quarantine, as I know some families are. If we can provide support of some kind for your family, please let me know via email at robinlynnekautz@gmail.com. We're all in this together, and we can all make it if we support one another!