Never-Ending

Our family is now living on a small acreage in the city. It is the original farmhouse (built in 1890) and outbuildings (one of which is now my glass studio) for this section of the city. There are between 4.5 and 6 acres of land; we're not exactly sure after the city and state took some of the land for highway development. All I know is that it's a lot to mow!

I took on the mowing when we moved in a couple of months ago. I like to mow (My husband claims not to have known this, but takes great delight in it!). It's a mindless activity, mostly, and I have to do it without the help of a certain (very loved) five-year-old. There is no argument about my doing it alone. And our landlord provides the riding lawn mower and the fuel; all I have to do is mow. That's kind of nice, too.

I just finished the third complete round of mowing...and realized that the first section I mowed this time around already needs to be mowed again! Mowing, like dishes and laundry, needs constant attention. No matter how hard I try to be "done," there is always more to do.

Just like my walk with God. There is rarely a moment when I feel I have "arrived" or "finished" the work in my life of being close to God, but sometimes I'm tempted to sit back and enjoy the progress I've made... And I pray that God will always make me aware of my desperate need to continue reading the Bible, praying, practicing devotions, worshiping, and listening to Him.

Like my landlord, God provides all I need to complete the task of seeking relationship with Him. My main tool is the Bible, with supplements from devotional reading and book studies (and my husband's reading, writing, thinking, and talking). All gifts from God. Even the faith I have in God is a gift from Him! The fuel for my efforts is God's love for me, his never-ending, absolute love for me. I find energy in worship, prayer, being still and listening, knowing that He is God.

Sometimes I get tired of mowing, dishes, and laundry, but I have never gotten tired of reading the Bible, praying, doing devotions, worshiping, and listening to God. That surprises me as I write! I truly haven't ever gotten tired of those efforts to seek God. That's because it's not MY motivation that counts, it's GOD'S, and He never fails. Sometimes I get distracted from reading or praying; sometimes I'm "too busy," but the desire to seek God is given to me from God. I pray that I will never get tired of seeking God my whole life long.

Yes. I know this has had nothing to do with glass, but it has everything to do with grace! God's grace fills me with the desire to know Him more! :)

Waiting

Sometimes I feel like all I am doing in this phase of my life is waiting. My husband graduated from seminary almost a year ago, and we have been waiting (I hope faithfully!) for a church call ever since. As this year has gone by, he has communicated with many churches about their search process, had several interviews (including a second interview with one church), continued his theological reading and writing, and sought opportunities to preach. He has continued to prepare himself for ministry.

During that year, I have taken a leave of absence in preparation for leaving our city, resigned my job entirely in anticipation of relocating, begun my stained glass business (and blog!), homeschooled our five-year-old daughter, and researched communities as Brad has had interviews with churches.

As a family, we even sold our home and moved into a rental home in expectation of moving into a parsonage somewhere. Somewhere. Anywhere? Please??!!

And so we wait.

And wait.

And wait.

Today I looked for inspiration on why we're waiting in my favorite book: The Bible. And I was surprised to find myself on a completely different track about waiting. In Titus 2:11-13 (ESV), it says, "For the grace of God has appeared, bringing salvation for all people, training us to renounce ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright, and godly lives in the present age, waiting for our blessed hope, the appearing of the glory of our great God and Savior Jesus Christ."

We're not waiting for a church call, we're waiting for Jesus Christ! We so sincerely want to be used by God in His kingdom work that I sometimes lose sight of the Real picture. We are called to live as witnesses to God's way here and now, wherever and whenever it is. Even if it's simply waiting.

And even better, the grace of God has already appeared! I don't have to wait with endurance, I get to wait in the grace of God. He will provide the patience that I so clearly lack at times. He will enable us to grow and develop as Christians in this present age. This is not a waste of time before our service begins; this is apparently the place and time of our service for this present age.

Hopefully and prayerfully, I can wait with this attitude instead of my typical impatience. I invite you to join my prayers for patience and a call for our family.

Whole

Once again, glass and faith are juxtaposed for me. This morning, I was reading Ephesians 1:4. I often read scripture in more than one version to give me a fuller meaning. Today I was taken by The Message. It said, "Long before he laid down earth's foundations, he had us in mind, had settled on us as the focus of his love, to be made whole and holy by his love."

ME??  Whole? Holy?

Really?

I prayed, "Please God, fulfill your promises. Make me whole. Make me holy." Before I even got to the last sentence, I sensed God laughing with joy, "I already DID!" I was stunned. For much of my life, I have viewed myself as damaged, injured, broken. Not that I felt sorry for myself, but that I just wasn't quite all right.

I examined my self, and sure enough, I was whole! Not in an instant, but over many years, those wounds have healed entirely: My birth father's abandonment. His abuse. The difficulties in raising my son. My first marriage's explosive end, revealing years of deceit. My second marriage's failure.

None of it defines me anymore. It is true, and it is present, but I am defined by God's love, not my (and others') failures. Wow! What a realization! And what joy there is in being whole! I've known that joy had found me, but I hadn't redefined myself as Whole.

In glass work, there is a stage when the pieces are all cut and ready to be made whole. I am at that stage in the creation of "Every Feather: Green" right now. There are around 150 intricate pieces that are sitting on my table right now, waiting for me to fit them together like a puzzle, with lead came between the pieces. Then I'll solder and glaze the piece, making it whole.

This will be my third "Every Feather" piece, and I'm getting better at it. But this very small accomplishment is nothing compared to the work the Father does in us, making us whole. However, I know that this time, I'll be thinking about how God has made me whole without me even realizing He was doing it!

Every Feather: Blue

Every Feather

Wow!
What Love.
What Grace.
Thank You, God!

Anchored

This is my design for Father's Day this year. It is called "Anchored" and is 8x8 inches, framed in zinc, and has rings soldered on for hanging purposes. You can order one on my Facebook page, A Glimpse of Grace, or you can email me at agoginglass@yahoo.com. They are $35.00, plus tax and shipping (if needed).

This is one of those designs which came to me in its entirety, complete. I was actually trying to design a piece for Mother's Day when I woke up one night with this design in my head. I love how it turned out! I struggled in taking photos of "Anchored" because the cross just didn't show up well. With or without a flash, the glass just didn't photograph clearly. When you combine the two shots I've posted here, you can begin to sense how the piece looks.

The obvious question is: Does OUR anchor show in our lives?  That's a good question, and deserves to be answered. But I think the more basic question is essential: WHAT are we anchored in?

What is it that holds me firmly in place? What keeps me solidly connected? What keeps me from drifting away? It's NOT the cross I wear around my neck, or the bumper sticker that I see on lots of cars. It's not saying I belong to a church congregation or even attending church regularly. Some of these things might indicate I am anchored; some of these might actually help me stay anchored.

I think what anchors us in our Christian life are the disciplines of being Christian. Disciplines that I'm not always very good at. Things like: Reading the Bible; Praying for Enlightenment; Practicing Devotions; Praying for Others; Worshiping; Praising God; Praying.

I find that I am most anchored when I habitually practice the disciplines of a Christian life. I might not experience instantaneous intimacy with God each time I pray, praise, or worship, but if I make these things habits of life, my walk with God becomes more intimate over time. Sometimes God surprises me with a moment of closeness in the glory of His natural world or a masterpiece of art or music, and I love that! But building a relationship with God takes time and attention, just like building a relationship with anyone.

When I find myself drifting away on the sea of life, I rededicate myself to prayer, worship, reading the Bible, praise and devotional practices. Soon I am anchored anew by God's grace and love. It's a good place to be.

Lost and Found

Today we sang "Great is Thy Faithfulness" in church. This song was pivotal in my life, believe it or not! I was very involved in my church as a high school student; faith was part of my very being. For many reasons, and like many college students, I fell away from church involvement as a college student. This was the beginning of many years of being lost to the faith of my youth.

"To Every Thing" seems an appropriate piece to feature here as I discuss the  seasons of my faith. 

It is displayed at the Little Swan Lake Winery in NW Iowa.

That lost time was ruled by fears, instead of faith. I spent some time totally away from religion, then tried to find a church that was inclusive enough that my agnostic (atheistic?) husband would attend. After several years in a Unitarian Universalist Society congregation (full of great people, btw!), I really felt the pull of the church of my childhood: Disciples of Christ.

It seemed to me that I was totally out of place in a Christian church, but that's where I wanted to be. I didn't take communion, fearing that my faith was not enough and God would be offended. There were songs I wouldn't sing because I just wasn't sure I believed them. I felt led to attend every week, and I did, but I always doubted that my faith was up to par. Then one day, we sang "Great is Thy Faithfulness" and it hit me like a ton of bricks: The song's title was "Great is THY Faithfulness," not "Great is MY Faithfulness!" It wasn't up to ME to be faithful enough; Faithfulness was GOD'S job.

Since then, I've continually been found, instead of lost. God has found me; He has pursued me; He has captured me with His grace. He has taken away my fears and filled me with love and grace and joy. All my efforts through those years left me still fearful and anxious and uncertain; now God's grace has filled my life to overflowing!

This is not to say I don't have moments of doubt or uncertainty. I do. But today, when we sang "Great is Thy Faithfulness" I remembered upon whose faith I depend. I can make a lengthy list of what God's faithfulness has provided me: Peace, which surpasses all understanding; Love, which surrounds me and fills my spirit; Joy, which follows me as closely as a tag-along five-year-old; Beauty, which God has gifted me to make in my glass work; and so much more. I am blessed beyond measure in this season of my life, and I am absolutely convinced that this season is a season of eternity. Thank God!

Necessary Losses

The first thing I have to say today is that I "stole" the title for this blog entry from Judith Viorst, who wrote a book with this title. I have read the book, and I would recommend it to those struggling with grief of any kind.

I've had my share of grief in my life, just like everyone else. Infertility has marked my life. Divorces have punctuated my days. Death has visited. Betrayal made its home in my home for many years. And still I stand, as do you. I stand by the grace of God, unscarred by the events above, but not unchanged. And life continues to bring grief, as it will until God's Kingdom comes.

My family moved last week, an event that sometimes creates grief. We moved from the home we have shared since before our youngest child came to us through adoption. It was our family home. We sold it in an act of faith, trusting that God will call my husband to a church as a pastor. We are now living in a rental home, which suits our needs just fine.

One of the things we left behind in the move was an octagonal glass piece in our front bathroom window. Someone asked me if this bothered me. I replied that I have left glass pieces installed in the last three homes I lived in, and my family members have done so as well. They were all pieces I liked and that looked good in the windows. As far as I know, they are all still present in those homes.

Does this bother me? I consider the question today as I unpack more boxes and settle in a little more. And no, it doesn't. I think of the pieces left behind as blessings for the next owner of the home. Perhaps they will see a glimpse of God in them. A little grace for their own lives.

I doubt I will craft a glass piece to remain in our rental home, although it's a possibility! More likely, I will design and create a piece for the parsonage we move to, with God's grace, eventually. Either way, the glass I leave behind will not be mourned, but left with expectation of creating joy for the next occupants. 

Bright Shadows

Tonight at dinner, my five-year-old says (out of the blue, as usual!), "The shadows are really bright tonight!" I'd never thought of shadows being bright, just dark, but it struck me as a wonderful understanding of my work in glass. When I choose a color and type of glass to be a "shadow" in a glass design, the light comes through it just as brightly as the next piece. It just shows up differently on the other side.

Isn't that Good Friday? It's a bright shadow! On Good Friday, we are in remembrance of a dark time, so dark that God even took away the SUN for part of it. But hidden behind the darkness, an AMAZING light is shining through because "Sunday's coming!"

In the space between Good Friday and Easter Morning, Jesus' friends, family, and disciples mourned. They grieved the loss of their friend, and of their dream: Jesus ruling as King here on Earth. They didn't know that the shadow they were in, was in the impossibly bright light of Resurrection Coming.

But we do! We remember Good Friday and the sacrifice Jesus made for us. But we remember it knowing full well that Resurrection follows agony. I find myself tingling with the anticipation of celebrating the Resurrection tomorrow morning.  I pray that you find yourself rejoicing in the promise of forgiveness and grace, of brightness and glory, because "Sunday's coming!"  And I pray that my young child can perceive some of the true reason for Easter behind the Easter Egg Hunt, the Easter Basket, and the excitement of pancakes at church.

Happy Easter!!