Never-Ending

Our family is now living on a small acreage in the city. It is the original farmhouse (built in 1890) and outbuildings (one of which is now my glass studio) for this section of the city. There are between 4.5 and 6 acres of land; we're not exactly sure after the city and state took some of the land for highway development. All I know is that it's a lot to mow!

I took on the mowing when we moved in a couple of months ago. I like to mow (My husband claims not to have known this, but takes great delight in it!). It's a mindless activity, mostly, and I have to do it without the help of a certain (very loved) five-year-old. There is no argument about my doing it alone. And our landlord provides the riding lawn mower and the fuel; all I have to do is mow. That's kind of nice, too.

I just finished the third complete round of mowing...and realized that the first section I mowed this time around already needs to be mowed again! Mowing, like dishes and laundry, needs constant attention. No matter how hard I try to be "done," there is always more to do.

Just like my walk with God. There is rarely a moment when I feel I have "arrived" or "finished" the work in my life of being close to God, but sometimes I'm tempted to sit back and enjoy the progress I've made... And I pray that God will always make me aware of my desperate need to continue reading the Bible, praying, practicing devotions, worshiping, and listening to Him.

Like my landlord, God provides all I need to complete the task of seeking relationship with Him. My main tool is the Bible, with supplements from devotional reading and book studies (and my husband's reading, writing, thinking, and talking). All gifts from God. Even the faith I have in God is a gift from Him! The fuel for my efforts is God's love for me, his never-ending, absolute love for me. I find energy in worship, prayer, being still and listening, knowing that He is God.

Sometimes I get tired of mowing, dishes, and laundry, but I have never gotten tired of reading the Bible, praying, doing devotions, worshiping, and listening to God. That surprises me as I write! I truly haven't ever gotten tired of those efforts to seek God. That's because it's not MY motivation that counts, it's GOD'S, and He never fails. Sometimes I get distracted from reading or praying; sometimes I'm "too busy," but the desire to seek God is given to me from God. I pray that I will never get tired of seeking God my whole life long.

Yes. I know this has had nothing to do with glass, but it has everything to do with grace! God's grace fills me with the desire to know Him more! :)

Waiting

Sometimes I feel like all I am doing in this phase of my life is waiting. My husband graduated from seminary almost a year ago, and we have been waiting (I hope faithfully!) for a church call ever since. As this year has gone by, he has communicated with many churches about their search process, had several interviews (including a second interview with one church), continued his theological reading and writing, and sought opportunities to preach. He has continued to prepare himself for ministry.

During that year, I have taken a leave of absence in preparation for leaving our city, resigned my job entirely in anticipation of relocating, begun my stained glass business (and blog!), homeschooled our five-year-old daughter, and researched communities as Brad has had interviews with churches.

As a family, we even sold our home and moved into a rental home in expectation of moving into a parsonage somewhere. Somewhere. Anywhere? Please??!!

And so we wait.

And wait.

And wait.

Today I looked for inspiration on why we're waiting in my favorite book: The Bible. And I was surprised to find myself on a completely different track about waiting. In Titus 2:11-13 (ESV), it says, "For the grace of God has appeared, bringing salvation for all people, training us to renounce ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright, and godly lives in the present age, waiting for our blessed hope, the appearing of the glory of our great God and Savior Jesus Christ."

We're not waiting for a church call, we're waiting for Jesus Christ! We so sincerely want to be used by God in His kingdom work that I sometimes lose sight of the Real picture. We are called to live as witnesses to God's way here and now, wherever and whenever it is. Even if it's simply waiting.

And even better, the grace of God has already appeared! I don't have to wait with endurance, I get to wait in the grace of God. He will provide the patience that I so clearly lack at times. He will enable us to grow and develop as Christians in this present age. This is not a waste of time before our service begins; this is apparently the place and time of our service for this present age.

Hopefully and prayerfully, I can wait with this attitude instead of my typical impatience. I invite you to join my prayers for patience and a call for our family.

Whole

Once again, glass and faith are juxtaposed for me. This morning, I was reading Ephesians 1:4. I often read scripture in more than one version to give me a fuller meaning. Today I was taken by The Message. It said, "Long before he laid down earth's foundations, he had us in mind, had settled on us as the focus of his love, to be made whole and holy by his love."

ME??  Whole? Holy?

Really?

I prayed, "Please God, fulfill your promises. Make me whole. Make me holy." Before I even got to the last sentence, I sensed God laughing with joy, "I already DID!" I was stunned. For much of my life, I have viewed myself as damaged, injured, broken. Not that I felt sorry for myself, but that I just wasn't quite all right.

I examined my self, and sure enough, I was whole! Not in an instant, but over many years, those wounds have healed entirely: My birth father's abandonment. His abuse. The difficulties in raising my son. My first marriage's explosive end, revealing years of deceit. My second marriage's failure.

None of it defines me anymore. It is true, and it is present, but I am defined by God's love, not my (and others') failures. Wow! What a realization! And what joy there is in being whole! I've known that joy had found me, but I hadn't redefined myself as Whole.

In glass work, there is a stage when the pieces are all cut and ready to be made whole. I am at that stage in the creation of "Every Feather: Green" right now. There are around 150 intricate pieces that are sitting on my table right now, waiting for me to fit them together like a puzzle, with lead came between the pieces. Then I'll solder and glaze the piece, making it whole.

This will be my third "Every Feather" piece, and I'm getting better at it. But this very small accomplishment is nothing compared to the work the Father does in us, making us whole. However, I know that this time, I'll be thinking about how God has made me whole without me even realizing He was doing it!

Every Feather: Blue

Every Feather

Wow!
What Love.
What Grace.
Thank You, God!